Songs of Alpha to Omega
by staceleo
Summary: Promising beginnings in a small college town ended in a heartbreak ending. Five years later, will the outcome remain the same?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Much of this happened and a fraction is fiction. **

**This is my healing, I guess. **

**Thanks for reading.**

Chapter 1

_There were roses in his hand. The ruby red variety that were declarations of love given on anniversaries and Valentine__'__s Day. I was never much for that kind of thing. Roses had always seemed like a gift that would be expected to be given after what happened between us. There was no creativity in it. A bouquet of freshly picked daisies or even a quirky cactus would be more my taste._

_Yet, those flowers sent a rush of excitement through me. He could have given me a stick of chewing gum and even that would make me tingly. Because it was from him. He was thinking of me. I was important. _

_I spied him across the street near the dorms. That curly, dark hair was like a beacon to me. He wore his daily uniform of an oxford button-down with the sleeves rolled up and cargo shorts. The shoelaces of his sneakers haphazardly tied. The things you notice in the first moments of falling in love._

_My worn backpack was slipping down my shoulder, as I picked up my pace. The orange fabric had lost it__'__s brightness from being kicked around on dirty classroom floors where fellow students had tromped tiredly to their seats. I didn't want him to be standing outside my room with those flowers waiting. Wondering if I was thinking of him. How could I stop? He was in every thought. Those blue eyes staring as he hovered over me. His skin was soft on my fingertips._

_Stumbling over the cobblestone sidewalk to the crosswalk, wisps of hair fell over my forehead making me look like a lunatic. I attempted to smooth down my ponytail.__It was my feeble attempt to try to appear to be poised, positive, and brave. All things that I was not. _

_He had a confident stroll as he headed toward his destination. I kept my gaze on him as I crossed the street. The direction he was headed wasn't to my building. _

_The sorority dorm was his destination. When I realized what was happening, I stopped to stare. The hues of the flowers at the dorm seemed brighter and the light of the sun made the whole building glow. For others it was a little piece of heaven on campus. It was my hell. _

_"Bella, did you get the copy of Chamber's notes. The man is a sociopath," Rose complained as she came up next to me. When I didn't reply, she looked over at what I saw. He was with someone else. Someone beautiful. __"__Why that mother fucker!"_

_The girl was all bright smiles as she took the flowers from him. Stick straight and the color of corn silk, she was one step away from being a picture in a beauty magazine. He swung her around and her sundress flew around her. When their lips touched, I wanted to vomit. _

_It was a scene from a romantic movie and I was the unintended audience. _

_"We need to leave, Bells." Rose grabbed me around the shoulders and hugged me tight. "He's a dead man. I'm going to kill him."_

_Last night, he kissed me like he did that girl._

_"You're the type of girl a guy marries," he said as he unbuttoned my shirt._

_He tapped my nose. "It's cute as a button."_

_He licked my belly button making me giggle. _

_"It will only for a second and I promise magic after that." His touch was so gentle. I believed his lies. _

_Pain and no more kisses. Just grunts of satisfaction on his end. Tears and whimpers on mine. _

_"No more tears, pretty girl. You're okay. Everything's good." More promises, as he held me tight. _

_It was all lies. _

_I hated Emmett McCarty now. I would hate him for eternity._

XXXXXX

We stood outside the common area. The college had set up the spread of BBQ offerings for the reunion weekend. The aroma of ribs floated through the air mingled with the smell of cheap beer. Obviously, they had rightfully assumed the alumni would get drunk on anything.

"Why are we doing this again?" I asked Alice.

She answered with an evil grin and smoothed down her tee-shirt covered in skulls. Alice Brandon had no issues with returning. Her idea of fun was giving her college tormentors a verbal lashing of epic proportions. The quiet violinist had become an angry punk rock guitarist. She no longer had trouble speaking her mind.

Rosalie ruffled Alice's purple hair that had been hacked off a pair of safety scissors. "Easy there, tiger. Did you call your therapist about this? I think she might have some issues about your approach."

"This isn't about Jasper Whitlock! I feel righteous indignation at the treatment of my girls!" Alice put her arms around the both of us. "Dr. Cope thinks this is a terrible idea. I, however, don't give a rat's ass."

The only reason we came with Alice was that we agreed with the therapist. This was a horrible idea and we were attempting to keep her out of trouble. Her independence from being forced into a life of silent study had made her fiery and impetuous. It was a blessing and a curse.

I noticed Rose glancing on her phone. She was using her work to distract her from the feelings she had about being here. Her own demons that needed to be conquered.

"Don't, Al. At least not for me. Emmett was nothing to me. He certainly wasn't my boyfriend. What happened was a huge error of judgement." I sighed and looked around me. The ivy covered buildings still had an air of history that always floored me. Through the generations, students traveled down these lawns to learn about the world. Some of them might have made my mistake.

Stupid girls and boys who mistakes hormones for true affection. One night of sex mistaken for the first step toward love.

Damn fools just like me.

That's when I saw Emmett. That hair was still as dark as a piece of onyx. Those dimples that beckoned his classmates. He was like the Pied Piper of Harrison College.

Things change in five years. The untied sneakers became loafers. The cargo shorts were replaced with a pair of dark jeans. That oxford shirt remained. Emmett's face still looked carefree. Why shouldn't it? That man never answered for anything, mostly his sins.

I was about to turn away, when he looked at me. His smile wavered for a moment. It was just a second, but there was a moment when I thought I saw more to his easy going facade. That grin was back in a flash and he turned it at me. Emmett raised his hand in greeting.

"Asshole," I mouthed at him.

God that felt great.

A frown was etched into his handsome lips. It felt like victory.

Rosalie bumped into my shoulder. "What the hell was that?"

"I just called him an asshole."

I couldn't help grinning. Emmett just stared at me.

"That's my girl!" Rose exclaimed. Her hug was exuberant.

There was a tap on my shoulder.

Edward.

"There's my favorite girl." His eyes the color of the spring leaves. He still had hair that was bright like a new penny. It was shaggy and hanging in his eyes. I couldn't stop my fingers from running through it.

"You have a beard." I gently touched his scruff.

He gave me a wink. "Trying to look rugged, girl. You cut your hair."

Edward's fingers touched my shoulder where my hair now grazed.

"Easier to get the paint out," I explained. Small children had a way of getting messy fingers in it.

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close, and he murmured into my neck."I missed you so much."

Edward made me feel safe like always. How could I have lost this? How could he forgive me so easily?

"Damn." I heard Alice say.

Emmett still stared with narrowed eyes. I closed my eyes and prayed.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Memories are flooding back. The good and the bad.**

**I'm sending happy birthday greetings to my darling friends: Hadley, Believeitornot, Evil Nat, And Fanfic Maplestyle. A group of amazing ladies in this wonderful fandom of ours that make this place better every day.**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 2

"_Where were you when Kurt Cobain died?" The boy with the red hair asked. It seemed to have a life of it's own. It zigged and zagged, this way and that. _

"_What?" He was obviously insane. I probably shouldn't have engaged him. This brick wall I was leaning against had no place to hide. I just clutched my plastic cup of beer tightly and gazed over his shoulder at a group using a beer bong. The cup was feeling warm in my hand and I was certain it would taste only slightly better than I imagined cat pee would. _

_I had found myself at the international students' dorm during the second week of school. There was a dorm crawl for the underaged students to be able freely get intoxicated without worries about the law. My idea that night was to sit in my room with a bag of microwave popcorn, bottle of Boone's Farm, and a Tori Spelling Lifetime movie. My roommate, Rosalie decided it would be more exciting to drag me here so she could ogle a British boy named Royce. I was missing that sickly sweet taste of cheap strawberry wine every second I was in this dump._

"_Where were you when Kurt Cobain died," he repeated louder as if I was hard of hearing._

"_Why do you ask?" I questioned him. Finally, I allowed myself to look at the boy in front of me. He had the type of face that made girls like me swoon. My drawing professor had talked about symmetry and the importance of a single asymmetric detail creating something beautiful. The boy's nose was crooked. It was beautiful and so was he. _

_The boy smirked at my shirt. "You're wearing a Pixie tee-shirt."_

_It was indeed a Pixie concert tee that I picked up at a local thrift store. The boy's pick-up lines were odd, but charming. Maybe he was just looking at my breasts? "The Pixies are not Nirvana. Not all alternative bands are made alike."_

"_You are correct, Madam," he said with a sigh. The boy leaned against the wall next to me. Our sides touched and I felt tingles going down my skin. "Your shirt tells me you have good taste unlike the most of these people. Do you know the amount of German club music I have to listen to living here?" _

_The boy didn't appear to have any accent. "Are you Canadian?"_

"_Umm . . . No." He looked at me in confusion for a moment. "I just got put in here."_

"_I live in the Art House," I blurted out. The cheap beer was making me giddy. The boy was making me lightheaded. _

"_You planning on making pretty pictures for a living?" He nudged me in the shoulder._

_I started grinning. "Theater and art double major."_

"_Your parents must be so proud," he teased. "Getting your room ready for you to squat in for the next ten years?"_

_That boy was mocking me. _

_I started to move away. Go back to my bad TV movies and cheap wine. My father complained enough about my chosen career path. Every phone call was an attempt to make me see the light. Be a teacher like your mother. There's no harm to have a background in business. You need to try harder in chemistry. _

_It made me feel so very small. A tear escaped. The stress to succeed and prove them wrong had already taken hold. _

_His hand gripped my arm. The boy said quickly, "Don't go! I'm an english major who wants to write the great American novel. I'm the guy who will be living with mom and dad for the foreseeable future."_

"_You want to be a Hemingway?" I wiped the stray tear away._

_He gave me a lopsided grin. "A Rowling."_

"_I could tell you had a thing for boy wizards the moment I saw you." _

"_I was kidding. I find my influence in Salinger. The Catcher in the Rye was my inspiration to be a writer," he explained. _

"_I'm more of a Mark Twain girl. I find myself liking a man who is smart and humorous." I shrugged. "Good luck to you, sir."_

"_Not so fast, Miss—"_

"_Bella Swan."_

"_Edward Cullen," he introduced himself. Out went his hand for a shake. I happily obliged. "So Nirvana—"_

_I could have lied, but— _

"_My crush told me in the auditorium during play practice. I was listening to my walkman backstage. He tapped me on the shoulder and told me what happened. I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he brushed something off my sweater and asked if I had dandruff," I admitted. I had alcohol induced verbal diarrhea._

_Edward laughed loudly. "I like you, Bella Swan! Were you listening to Nirvana during your dandruff moment? Pearl Jam?"_

"_Ace of Base."_

_He almost fell over as he continued laughing. _

"_Give me a break! I was sixteen and allowed to have some moments of questionable musical judgement," I tried to explain. _

_He squeezed my hand and gazed into my eyes as the chuckles faded. "You are something else, lady."_

_This was one of those romantic moments I read about. Boy meets girl in a crowded room and they fall in love. I, Isabella Swan, was now a heroine in one of those Harlequin novels that I stole from my mother's bookshelf and hid under my bed. I had no bodice to rip, but Edward would be the one I would want to do it. _

_Until it wasn't._

"_Edward, you have a call." A large boy called out. He was tall and massive in size. He reminded me more of a mighty oak than a college student. _

"_Demetri, I'm busy," Edward answered. The look he gave me was thoughtful._

_The walking Russian tree lumbered toward us. "It's your girlfriend, Ed. Tanya something."_

_Edward gave me a sad smile. "I need to take this. I'll see you around?"_

"_Yeah, I'll see you." I was certain that my smile was sadder. _

_They always said the best ones were taken. Tonight I found out that was true._

XXXXXX

Our knees touched as we sat at a table and faced each other. Plates of food sat in front of us untouched. Edward was still that boy that drew me in with a look and a touch.

He was the polar opposite of Emmett. Edward truly didn't care what people thought about him. It was refreshing.

"You should eat," I stated. "The potato salad looks tasty."

"You left. Bella, you didn't say good-bye." He placed his hand on my knee.

My face felt like it was burning. I wanted to blame the summer heat, but it was my regret. I could have been brave. I should have been brave.

"I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed to find myself," I lied.

"Was it about that ass? I still want to punch him." Edward moved his hand to my face.

It was Emmett, but it was also Edward. My heart could only take so much. I had patched it back up, but that organ was still cracked and only partially functioning.

I looked up at the clouds. Trying to get lost in the shapes. "I did what I had to do. It was the right decision. I like my life now. My students are great and I get to be artistic."

"Mine is shit, Bells. I've been missing something important all these years." He pulled my chin down so I couldn't avoid him. "Traveling the world has been an empty life. I need to set down some roots."

"How's Tanya?"

"A non issue," he answered. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Al wants to yell at people at the frats. Maybe end up at Andy's." It was our bar of choice and second home.

"Oh. Where are you ladies staying?" Edward started playing with my fingers. "I'm in my old dorm."

The electricity between us remained. At least for me.

"The sorority dorm." I shrugged. "Kate is excited to have us there."

The beautiful girl with Emmett? That was Kate. I detested her at first. Jealousy will do that to a girl. That was until we talked and realized that we were kindred spirits. We used to lay on the rug of her floor for hours listening to her beloved rap CDs and argue about Joey's love life on _Dawson's Creek_.

Kate's romance with Emmett fizzled out quickly, but our friendship only grew.

"Jasper's here! He's heading this way with Satan!" Alice rushed over pulling Rosalie with her. Satan was her name for Emmett. I found it fitting. "I can't deal with this yet!"

Emmett had stopped his approach and was staring at my proximity to Edward. Jasper, with his blond hair cut much shorter and looking far more preppy and put together than the stoner fraternity boy of the past, said something to him and pointed to our group. There was a look of determination on both of their faces. I looked down at my feet. I could blame the little black ant crawling over my sandals and tickling my toes, but truthfully, my bravado was wavering.

The old feeling of being torn between the two men had returned. The bad option with the air of impending heartbreak that drew me in. The unrequited dream that was attached to another. I should have stayed at home.

Rosalie sighed tiredly and I saw her watching Emmett and Jasper. "Alice is panicking again. All talk and a tiny bit of bite. Hey, Ed. You hanging out with us today?"

"Absolutely, Rosie." He gave her a quick hug and then gave Alice a pat on her purple head. "This is your perfect look, crazy."

"I always knew I like you, Cullen," Alice gave him a peck on the cheek. "Meet us in—"

"Two hours at the very least, old chum." Kate strolled up and punched Edward in the shoulder. "My friends, we need to regroup and drink our first rounds in the dorm. I have old school wine coolers chilling in a bucket of ice."

Rosalie let out a snort. "You do realize that we are adults? Professional women drink fine wine out of a glass."

"Rose, my sweet, never change," Kate teased. She put an arm around my neck. "Let us get our drink on, pretend girlfriend. I will cover you with pretend kisses and make our dumb ass ex faint."

"You are so weird!" I pulled away laughing.

Kate pointed at our group. "Come have cheap booze with us, Edward."

"Soon. I'll settle in my room first," he explained to Kate. He nodded at me. "Keep an eye on her."

"I'll keep your favorite girl safe," Kate answered to reassure him.

He tugged on a lock of my hair. "I'm not losing her again."

The butterflies flew at a rapid pace in my gut. I was enamored of Edward once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here you go. Updated most days. **

**Thank you for reading.**

Chapter 3

_It was relaxing on Alice's floor. Rosalie and I lived downstairs and there was always a nervous energy that the artists brought. Imaginations flying around with laughter and explosions of oil paints. But up here, the sounds of a lonely trumpet filled the hallway as I sat by the window on a bench, my feet up on the seat, and stared down at my fellow students scurry to their next destination. They reminded me of a group of ants trying to complete their task from the good of their brethren. Be a responsible. Make the college proud. _

_The trumpet's song seemed to be the perfect accompaniment to what I observed below. His melody mimicked the movements of my classmates. There was a hurried urgency to the trumpet that made me tap my knee with the script I was supposed to me memorizing. It was jazz that was stripped down to it's basest form. There was a magic it created._

"_Whatcha reading, girl?" A tall boy walked up to me. He had a a bright grin and dimples that made me smile right back at him. _

"_A script. I need to memorize lines for my part." I found myself blushing when I told him. _

_It was exciting and I was thrilled to get a part in my first college production. The director was my playwriting professor and said I had childlike innocence written all over my face. I tried to take that as a compliment. He also added that I needed to grow more of a presence on stage. That observation gutted me a bit. _

"_You going to be a movie star?" He lifted my feet and sat down. The strange boy placed my feet on his lap. His fingers holding onto my calf. _

_I tried to pull my legs off of him. "What the hell are you doing?"_

_He lightly took hold of my flailing limbs and kept them in the same spot. "Just trying to get comfortable. You have comfy legs, girl."_

_I stared at this dimple man with his bright blue eyes and disarming smile. His dark hair was on the longer side with the ends curling softly. There was an edge to his sweetness that made me wary of him. This boy knew he was a beautiful and could wield it like a weapon if he desired. There was a twinkle of wickedness that was magnetic. _

_Thoughts of Edward flitted into my brain. That lovely boy that I could talk to all day. He was taken and I could never change that. _

"_Are you the bad girl?" All thoughts of red hair and emerald eyes vanished as the boy grabbed my script and started flipping through the pages. He looked up and winked at me. "I can see you being a very bad girl."_

"_Are you high?" I asked. I wanted to pull away, but that hand of his traveled up and down my leg. It made me blush and I liked it. _

_In high school, I had only been kissed by one boy. Mike Newton was all teenage hormones and carnation bouquets. Dates ended up in vacant parking lots and kissing in the back seat of his mother's Honda Civic. His wandering hands scared me right into breaking up with him. Things had changed so quickly when I got to this school. Right here and right now, I wanted this stranger to kiss me almost as much as I wanted Edward to. I didn't want to be afraid anymore. _

_My brain had issues with what my eighteen-year-old version of lust was aching for. I was responsible and not going to become dizzy over another pretty boy that paid attention to me. _

_I lied to myself once again. _

"_I'm high on you," he stated. He was a flirt. It was obnoxious. It was also—_

"_You're cheesy." I grabbed my script from him and opened it in an attempt to block him from my view._

_I didn't remove my feet. _

_The boy pulled the script away with those eyes still twinkling. "I'm Emmett Richard McCarty. The ladies call me Dick after my middle name."_

"_Because you're an asshole?"_

"_Because I have a huge one, girl." He tapped my nose. He was a creep. "You look like a button to me. God, I could put my lips on you."_

_I turned my face away from him. This Emmett guy was a jerk, and I wanted those lips of his as badly as he wanted mine. _

"_No thanks," I muttered. _

_A door opened and Jane Tremont stuck her head out to glare at us. The tiny violinist's face was pinched in anger. "Em, you're were supposed to get us sodas!" _

"_Sure thing, sugar, Buttons and I were discussing the acting trade. Maybe I should do it? I can pretend." He gave her that brilliant smile. He moved my legs and patted my upper leg. Emmett moved his mouth to my ear and lips pressed against the skin. "I'll be seeing you around, Bella Swan." _

_He knew my name. _

_My face felt hot, as I watched him disappear into Jane's room. _

_Alice came out of her room and shuffled toward me. That long brown hair of hers hung over her eyes. She tried to disappear when she was in public, but I knew the vibrant girl that was aching to get out. Her demanding parents were always in the back of her mind, but now she had freedom. I was going to help her experience it to the fullest. _

"_You want to watch a movie in your room with Rosie?" she asked quietly. "Jane has that boy in her room again. The make lots of sounds. It gets really loud."_

_Alice looked highly embarrassed, so I stupidly asked, "What sounds?"_

"_Sex sounds," she squeaked. Her face was the color of a fire engine. _

_I was an idiot._

XXXXXX

"Are you going to drink, Swan?" Kate asked. I was sitting on the end of one of the beds in the dorm room, clutching a wine cooler. She continued, "Garrett, my darling, make her drink."

Garrett was Kate's husband and was one of the sweetest men I've ever met. He didn't go to school with us and Kate met him when she decided to find herself in Oregon. Garrett was a forest ranger with a ponytail and a love of nature. Kate not only found him, but herself in those woods. The sorority pearls were tossed in a river and they built a cabin. It was an amazing life and I was envious.

"I have pot. We should do that," Garrett suggested. He tapped Alice on the shoulder. "You game?"

"I need my head in the game to deal with—" Alice looked around the room with a confused expression. "I had always imagined the sorority rooms to be nicer. They're just as crappy as the ones in the art house."

The door to Kate's old room was open. Outside in the hallway was filled with her former sisters drinking and dancing to old school party jams. It would have been humorous if I wasn't so stressed.

This observation made Kate snort.

Rosalie sat at one of the wooden desks with her laptop. She typed furiously on the keys. There was rigidness to her back that had nothing to do with work. She spat, "You realize that we're all adults with jobs. We should quit idealizing binge drinking."

Quickly, I stood and moved to her side. I placed a hand on her shoulder and she relaxed into it. "Rosie, we can go. Neither of us need to be here."

"I think Edward would disagree. He was looking fine, Miss Swan. I think he would like to get reacquainted," she teased half-heartedly. Her face grew serious, as she changed the subject to a painful one. "We'll both be okay. He's in jail. It's only the bad memories left."

I hated Royce King. What he did to Rose and what he tried to do to me.

Taking a deep breath, I willed those horrible thoughts away. I linked my fingers with Rose's. "We always win when we have each other."

"No doubt, Bells." She squeezed my hand tightly.

"Are you going to kiss each other? Garrett will get far too excited and I'll have to douse him with a hose," Kate said with a smirk. "Drink and we can get dinner at the student center."

"We'll be having dinner in town, Katherine," Rosalie explained. "I will not be eating grilled cheese and french fries on campus."

"I like my grilled cheese with tomato," Alice chimed in. She picked off her nail polish in between taking sips out of her bottle.

"Did someone say something about grilled cheese?" Emmett came walking in like he owned the room. His bravado had never diminished it seemed. He just filled the room with his ego.

I felt like I was drowning in it.

"Who invited you?" Kate questioned him with an angry stare.

"Technically, sweet Katie, Irina invited me to party with them." He scanned the room. Emmett fixed his gaze on me. "Going to give me some sugar, Katie?"

He wanted to hurt me. Bravo, Emmett, you win.

"This is my husband and father of my children. Garrett, this is a jack ass." Kate grabbed another drink. "Irina is a dead woman."

Garrett gave Emmett a lazy smile. "Nice to meet you, but talk to my lady like that again and you'll be a dead man. I know some lovely wooded areas to hide the body."

"No harm, man! Just joking around with Katie." Emmett grinned and plopped down on the bed next to where I stood next to Rose.

My stomach hurt. I felt as if I was on a sailing vessel during the perfect storm. I was going overboard.

"Everyone in here hates you and you should leave," Rosalie told him as she looked over the file on the screen. Her hand still clenching mine.

He laughed. "Pleasure seeing you again too, Rosie. Alice—"

"Bitch," Alice answered. She hated him passionately for me. This group was my best friends for so many reasons and this was one of them.

"Bella, could I talk to you outside?" Emmett asked, finally addressing me.

I had a choice to make. I could ignore him the rest of the weekend or I could tell him exactly how I felt. I truly detested the man. I let go of Rosalie's hand, ignoring the protest on her face.

"For a minute. I have a dinner to go to with my friends."

I walked out with my head up and standing tall. I would not let the girl that I was so long ago, be bullied by my old feelings for him anymore. We weaved in and out of tipsy women and the occasional man to the front of the building. I stood in the middle of the foyer and crossed my arms over my chest. For a moment, I couldn't speak. There were so many words I needed to say. To convey the hurt I felt.

It only took him to step in close to me and begin to say, "I'm sor—"

"I hate you!" I interrupted. It tumbled out of my lips. "I really do! You're one of the worst people on the planet!"

He placed a hand on my cheek. My words stilled at his touch. The attraction to the idea I had of him fought with the fact that I found his insides ugly and black. It confused me.

"I was so fucking wrong," he explained. He licked his lips and took his thumb and stroked my face. "Us. We were good. I threw it away."

"It was a lifetime ago, Emmett. Five years of change. I don't believe your words. You have a liar's soul."

Oh how I wished to be in my little home. My apartment was a comfort where I could watch children playing in the park, while my cat sunning herself on the window sill. It was safe from heartbreak.

"Baby, I can't stop thinking about you. I dream about us." His index finger went over my bottom lip. It was rough over the smoothness of my skin.

The devil was seducing me with his touch. I leaned in and pulled away. It was too much.

"I don't think the lady seems comfortable." Over Emmett's shoulder, I saw Edward. He looked glorious in his fury.

I rushed to Edward. He wrapped an arm around my waist. Looking down at me, Edward said softly, "Let's take a walk."

"I was having a discussion with Bella," Emmett growled. His fists were clenched. "We need to finish this."

"It's done," Edward answered for me. He started leading me out of the building.

Emmett followed. "Bella, I'm not finished fighting for you."

"I hope you like losing." Edward gave him a wave and we walked down the sidewalk.

I felt like a fool. I should have been tougher with Emmett. "I could have handled it."

"I know you can, tiger." He hugged me tighter against his side. "I like helping out my girl."

"Your girl?"

"Hopefully. We'll figure this out together." I felt his lips on my hair. "Always together."

My head was floating with all the emotions coursing through me. I just hoped I wouldn't burst.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Like the majority of this story, Tyler is real. It happened and he is one of the best people on this planet. The guy is goodness personified. **

**I kissed a lot of guys in the old days and listened to Pearl Jam daily.**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 4

_Connections between people can start with a smile or a laugh. It could be as simple as a mutual disgust of the professor trying to nonchalantly pick something off the tip of his nose. _

_That's how I got to be on Tyler Johnston's bed. His slightly chapped lips on mine and his hands never once wandering from my hips._

_He was a gentleman and there was a respect in Tyler's touch that I appreciated. _

_I was the disrespectful one. I was using him to forget._

_Tyler moved his head up slightly. If I tilted my face up just a little, the lip lock could begin again. Kissing is easier than talking sometimes. You can avoid chatting about those pesky feelings and worry about becoming something deeper with the other person. Just keep things physical. It was too easy to talk to Tyler about the hard stuff. He was an incredibly good listener. _

"_We need to get back to the books, Bella." He moved to sit up and grabbed his textbook. "You need to getting studying. Your grades are horrible."_

_I stayed flat on my back. "We were studying biology. The human kind."_

_He pulled me up by the arm. "Be good. I'm not going down the road of temptation with you."_

"_Why did you kiss me back?"_

"_Always wanted to. Still would love to do it some more, but I won't. I have my best interest at heart. I like you, but I can tell you don't want to be kissing me."_

"_I do," I whined. It was the truth. Kissing is fun and can be exercise. Why must love be involved?_

_It was in Biology 101 where I met the tall, dark-skinned Tyler with his goofy grin that left one at ease. The wiry black hair was a huge ball around his head. He was the one who pointed out Mr. Molina trying to uses a blue, ball-point pen to remove something organic from his nose. We tried to smother our laughs with our notebooks. _

_That led to study sessions on the lawn to help bolster my declining grades in the course. Tyler's parents were educators and their son was a born teacher. We discussed other things as well. The existence of heaven and hell was a more serious discussion. Saturday morning cartoons was a sillier one. He was quickly becoming a close friend and I was destroying it. _

"_Is this about your boy?" He asked flipping through the book, but his gaze still on my pouting face. "I have no issue with making out with you. It's been highly enjoyable, but I find that you aren't completely invested. I like my romances two-sided." _

_When I arrived, I immediately plastered my face to his. I kicked the door closed with my foot. _

"_One psychology class doesn't make you a psychiatrist, Ty," I complained. I was regressing to my pre-teen past. My mother would be mocking me if she was here. _

"_Technically, I would have to have graduated medical school to prescribe drugs to cure your crazy white girl," Tyler teased. "You're better than this. If you want to go all in with me then cool. We do this. If I'm just a placeholder, than we stay friends. I like being your friend and it's a good place."_

"_I'm not try—" I couldn't lie to him. Completely. "This isn't about Emmett."_

_It was a little. Emmett and a girl were practically having sex on a couch in the middle of Theta Chi last night at a fraternity party. I wanted to blame the heat I felt on the large amount of people crammed into that small area, but it was rage at the boy who stripped me of my innocence with a lie. The lights dimmed and small colored lights created an eerie ambiance, as I watched him kiss her. Emmett's fingers traveling under her tiny tank top. The girl went to nibble his ear and he looked straight at me. There was a wink. The beer I clutched slipped from my fingers and crashed to the floor. The sticky substance covered my sandals. _

_A hand was on my shoulder and it was Tyler. My friend and confidant. He led me to the dance floor and made me dance with him. He mocked my moves the whole time and I found a semblance of happiness again. _

_Afterward, Tyler took me back to the door and placed a kiss on my cheek. At that moment, I thought this could be a chance that could lead something more. Tyler was safe and he was kind. This is what I should be what I was looking for. Not someone like Emmett who I would have to pray could change or E—_

"_I was thinking Edward was the problem. Emmett is a jerk who you need to stay away from. That boy needs to find Jesus," Tyler snarked. _

"_You praying for him, Tyler?" _

_Tyler laughed. "Bella, I gave his name to Mom's prayer circle. But Emmett should never be an issue. Let's talk Edward Cullen."_

"_Edward Cullen has a girlfriend. I don't mess with relationships." I crossed my arms. Edward had disappeared every weekend to visit with the mysterious Tanya. I would occasionally spot him on campus and get a wave. It made my heart hurt. I needed to stop searching him out, because it just made things worse. _

_Throwing down his book, Tyler took my hand. "You are allowed to be bummed out about liking Edward more than he likes you. Don't cry, Bell!"_

_The tears slipped out. I wanted to blame female hormones, but it was just my immature heart clinging to an ideal. _

"_You're better than the guys at this school. Except for me. I'm an incredible dancing machine who can play Dave Matthews on a kazoo." Through the wetness on my face, Tyler could make me laugh like no one else. _

"_You are the weirdest guy I know." I wiped my face with his sleeve._

_He looked at his sleeve. "You're the grossest girl. Friends?"_

"_Forever."_

XXXXXX

Edward's arm remained around my waist. We headed east to the path that would lead us away from campus and to the town nearby.

"I can walk on my own, Cullen," I pointed out. My heart was pounding harder and faster. I wondered, since he was so close to me, if he could hear it. It was singing a song to him of attraction and the awakening of feelings long dormant. They had been buried away deep into my subconscious only to rise again in his embrace.

"No way." He pulled me even tighter against him. _Thump, thump, thump._ "You aren't running away again. You can be very skittish, Bella."

"You can be very determined." I dug my heels into the ground forcing us to a halt. I turned to face him. Both of his hands held onto my waist. His thumbs rubbed the small of my back like he was soothing an anxious animal. _Thump, thump, thump._ My hands clutched his shirt. It was an intimate embrace. If one passed by they might be mistaken in what they were observing. "What are we doing here, Edward? It's been five years."

"Five years of missing out on what we've both been needing." His forehead touched mine.

There was a tremble. It was not the ground threatening to open up and swallow me whole, it was my body in response to Edward. _Thump, thump, thump._ "You could have found me."

"You didn't want to be found, sweetheart. Rose was pretty adamant that I back the hell off and let you figure things out. You were both mad me."

Of course, I was mad and, in true best friend tradition, was Rosalie. Tanya was always hovering in the background. She was always the unknown entity. "Edward—"

"Isabella Swan, my favorite white girl, has graced these hallowed grounds of learning again! How are you doing, lady?"

Serious discussion waylaid by the big personality of Tyler. These years apart had changed much about him. Black hair was cut close to his scalp and the Hootie and the Blowfish tee was replaced with a polo shirt and khakis. Behind him stood a stunning African American woman in simple red dress, her hair as short as Tyler's and her smile as bright.

Edward let me go, so I could hug my old friend. His embrace flooded me with the warmth of being back with a true friend. I pushed him away and hugged the woman too, as Edward and Tyler shook hands. She was an island of friendship and good advice.

"You still married to this idiot, Kim?" I asked her.

"I tried to loose him a couple of times, but he keeps finding me. I'll keep him." She gave me another hug. She added accusingly. "You were supposed to visit the school."

Tyler and I had reconnected over emails several years ago. We were both going to be attending the same teaching conference. When we met up again, he introduced me to his true love Kim. They were trying to convince me into come work at the school where they both taught.

"Leave her alone, baby," Tyler stated and pointed to Edward then me. "I think these two finally figured it out. She's your girl now, Edward?"

Edward pulled me back to his side. "Yes."

"No. He's delusional," I disagreed with a grin. He was just joking around, but I liked the idea of it.

"It's a work in progress, Tyler. I'm a man who gets what he wants." Edward smiled confidently. "She's always been my girl."

I had a snarky comment ready to remind him of some parts of our past that would contradict this, but I bit my lip. There was a time and a place. Airing our dirty laundry in front of my friends wasn't it.

"Come to dinner with us!" I almost shouted it. "We're meeting up with the old gang. Al, Rose—"

"Drinking already?" Tyler asked. The look on his face showed me that he already knew the answer.

I wiggled my eyebrows. "Katie is already toasted."

"You know we don't drink." He laughed.

He never did, but he still hung out in the old days.

I complained with a laugh, "Straight edge."

"Lush," Tyler teased. "Seriously, We will catch up tonight."

"My man is taking me out to an expensive dinner, Bell," Kim said happily. "You get tipsy for me and I'll make fun of you later."

"That will work," Edward replied. He slung an arm over my shoulder. "I'll get her giggly for you."

We said our good-byes and we continued walking.

I let him hold my hand. "Get me giggly?"

"Maybe you'll even kiss me." He spun me like we were dancing and pulled to his chest. My breasts pressed up against him. Our lips barely touching. "Maybe you'll kiss me now."

"Dream on." That was my dream, not his.

"I don't like dreams. I prefer reality," Edward stated. His lips pressed against mine.

I was falling.

_Thump, thump, thump._


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you all for reading. There might be an update this weekend, but more likely at the beginning of next week. **

**Quick note: the flashbacks are in no particular order. Bella (me) has these memories at random times, so there will be jumps back and forth in her remembrance of certain situations.**

**Also, let's just call this my public service to college age readers, do nothing that I did in college. Learn from my mistakes, because I did dumb things and hung out with some questionable boys. **

**Growing up is learning. You will be weak and petty in some moments. Other times you might show your inner strength. That was me and this Bella. Flawed people trying to be better. **

**Enjoy. **

Chapter 5

_My head was in Eric Yorkie's lap. The heat from the pool was making my skin sticky. You would think they would turn it off at night. _

"_It's soo hot, Eric!" I slurred. "We should have brought a cooler of something yummy! Like Zima!"_

"_You're so drunk!" He laughed loudly. His voice echoed in the swim center. _

_Eric's words were dwarfed by the yells and splashes of naked fraternity brothers throwing themselves in the pool. Eric and I both starred at the beautiful sight. _

"_Eric . . . Eric . . . There are penises everywhere! Do you see them dance in the water?" Everything was so fuzzy, but at the same time clear. I tugged on his pants. "I like those things!" _

"_So do I, honey bunny. Leave my pants alone." He sighed and took a deep drink out of the vodka bottle next to him. "This moment here is what my wet dreams are made of. Drink?"_

_I opened my mouth and Eric poured it in. I choked just a little. _

"_You okay, Bella?" The very naked Riley swam up to us. He floated up to us and placed his arms up on the side. _

_Riley Biers was a Phi Delt. Classically handsome with wavy blonde hair, the boy was quite the looker. He also had an awful reputation as a player. I normally avoided him, but tonight he was intriguing. _

"_I like you naked," I shouted. It echoed through building. _

_Emmett glared at me from nearby as he was talking to Jasper. It made me laugh harder. _

"_I would like you naked," Riley replied. _

_Before I could agree, Eric put a hand on my mouth. "She's my assistant look-out, Riley. Leave her alone."_

_The campus pool was closed, but Eric knew the janitor and paid him to open it up for the two fraternities, Phi Delt and Theta Chi, to participate in the drunken Olympics. He also picked the lock to my room and woke me up to help him judge. I wasn't going to go, but Eric was persuasive. Now I had vodka courage running through my veins. _

_Eric Yorkie was the first homosexual man, at least openly, member of Phi Delt. Rumor had it that after the discovery that pledges were forced to have sex with holes in the fields of Smith Farm, the fraternity had clean up their image and accept a member from a marginalized group. Enter Eric Yorkie. _

"_I want to go swimming, Eric." I sat up and looked out at the sea of boys. They made me think of mermen without tails. "I'm like a fishy."_

"_Little fish, those sharks will eat you right up." He patted my head, then added, "I wish they would eat me right up."_

_I thought that was the funniest thing ever and I started giggling so hard I was hyperventilating._

_The laughter became hiccups when Edward angrily stomped up to us. His angry face was just another hilarious part of the oddest night of my life. He sternly demanded, "You need to come with me, Bella!"_

_I jumped up and wobbled into his chest. Grabbing onto his shirt to regain my balance, I observed, "You're here! On a weekend! You're always with her!"_

_I spat this out bitterly. _

"_Tanya is in Virginia. She's not important right now," he said absentmindedly. "We need to leave."_

_I let go of him forcibly, as if he was a boiling pot of water that burnt me. Instead, I grabbed the bottle from Eric and took a swig. It was awful, but I didn't care._

"_How did you find me?" I glared at him. _

"_Rosalie told me. I needed to talk to you. She said Eric talked you into going out. I've been searching for you everywhere."_

"_Ha! You've barely talked to me for weeks. You aren't my dad! These boys are nice." I waved to Riley. "That one is very nice."_

_Edward took my arm. "We need to talk about Tanya and the sorority, but not here."_

_I started bouncing up and down. "You heard? Katie wants me in. She's so very sweet. Can you believe a sorority girl can be nice? Crazy, right? Hey Em, I would have picked her too!" _

_I looked over at him and his mouth was wide open. A bug could have flown in. I laughed again. Everything was amusing. Drinking this much made my filter disappear and my inhibitions vanish._

_Emmett swam up to us and said solemnly, "Let you friend take you home, button."_

_"You becoming my dad too, asshole? After the things you did to me that would be gross." I grinned at him. I had no cares in the world. I didn't care about him or Edward. They just made me sad and I wanted immediate happiness. I pulled off my shirt. I had forgotten a bra in my rush to dress and go with Eric, so my bare chest flashed the group of young men. "I'm swimming with Riley! He's my new best friend!"_

_I dived in, but didn't get to paddle very far. Emmett pulled me to him so he could cover me with his body. "You aren't doing this!" _

"_Get off me!" I pounded on his chest and flailed in his arms. "Riley!"_

_Emmett ignored me and carried me out of the pool. He ignored my screams and we headed into the chilly air outside of the building. _

"_I'll take over," Edward directed. He moved in front of Emmett and blocked his path. _

"_She's my problem, buddy," Emmett tried to push past him and I managed to wriggle my body from his grasp. I just stared at them completely ignoring my nudity from the waist up. They were having a glaring war and I was in the middle. Goosebumps covered my skin as a breeze blew past. I suddenly felt so very tired and my head was spinning. _

"_Put this on, sweetheart." Edward gently placed my shirt over my head._

"_I don't feel very good," I admitted. My head rested on Edward's chest. "My jeans are wet."_

"_You can change into something warm when I get you to the dorm." I started slumping. He placed an arm around my waist to keep me upright. _

_Why was I here? I was sandwiched between the two boys that I had cared about and who would never feel the same way for me. I mumbled into Edward's shirt, "I'm sleepy."_

_Emmett put a hand on my shoulder. "I can take her back."_

"_You're naked, jackass," Edward spat at him. "Leave Bella alone. She doesn't need your type of help."_

_I felt ill, cold, and tired. There was still a glimmer of alcohol bravery left. _

_Moving my head slightly, I addressed Emmett, "What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong, Em?"_

"_You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. You know that," he replied. Standing in the nude and staring at me, I thought that it might be the first time Emmett ever looked like he was vulnerable. Maybe I just wanted to see that._

_Edward took his hand and stroked my hair. "Bella, we need to get you to a bed and a big bottle of water." _

_My rambling continued, "I made myself a slut for him, Edward. It wasn't his fault, you know? I let it happen. I knew who he was. I was supposed to wait for something romantic. I dreamed all that candle and wine stuff. Silly, right? All it took was a Dave Matthews CD and some Ben & Jerry's out of a carton. I never knew I was so damn easy. Dummy Bella." _

_I was hugged tighter in Edward's arms. He whispered something into my ears to soothe me, but I just heard gibberish._

"_Bella, it was never like that." Emmett looked lost. "We should talk."_

_I didn't answer, instead I hid my face. _

_I heard Eric's voice. "Here's her keys and wallet, Edward. Emmett, get your ass back into the swim center before security comes around. You'll get us all in trouble!"_

"_Bella, please—" Emmett began to say, but Edward steered me away._

_I followed along quietly and it barely registered when we entered the International House instead of my dorm. I stayed quiet. _

_No words left me, as I changed into Edward's tee-shirt and boxers. Or when I vomited in the communal bathroom. Edward rubbed my back and stroked my face with a damp washcloth. _

_It wasn't until later, as I was wrapped up in his arms on his bed, that I said, "I'm pretty pathetic, huh?"_

"_No Bella, you're eighteen. We make mistakes and learn from them. I think you're great."_

_I thought Edward was amazing. _

_The next morning, my brain felt like it was being split open with a jack hammer as the sun came through the plastic blinds on his windows. I looked around at his messy room. There were pants thrown on the floor and baseball trophies turned on their side in the bookshelves. There were no photographs of Edward with any girls. _

_Edward's arm was still around my waist and he was whispering my name in his sleep. _

_I felt a tiny spark of hope. _

XXXXXX

We walked past the swim center and I paused. It hadn't changed a bit. The smell of chlorine still clung around it and filled your nostrils. The front was all windows and you could see people doing laps in the large pool.

"At least they're in swim suits," I pointed out. Edward snickered next to me.

"It was the first time I saw your breasts," He teased.

I blushed. "Don't remind me of that night. I'm still embarrassed."

"They were lovely," he continued, as he swung my arm. "I would be delighted to see them again."

"Shut up!" I'm sure I was fire engine red at this point. My happy embarrassment turned to sober thoughts. "We were a bunch of jerks back then. A group of hedonistic children using their freedom to act out. You know, I had high school classmates who married and had children at the same time I was acting like a drunk. They had adult responsibilities and we just were in this bubble of idiocy."

"Look at you being introspective. We were jerks stumbling our way into adulthood. I know I stumbled and fell enough times." He shrugged. "I sure as hell would have stayed broken up with Tanya and wouldn't wait five years to pursue you again."

"Five years wait wasn't your brightest move. I could be marri—" I started to tease, but the first part of his statement hit me. "You broke up with Tanya?"

He tilted my chin up. "That's why I was looking for you that night of the skinny dipping debacle."

"Oh. When you found me I was a drunken mess."

"A cute drunken mess." He pressed his head to mine. "I should have told you anyway, but I didn't because you still wanted Emmett."

Did I still want Emmett? Back then? I certainly wanted to change him. Change him into a man like Edward. It was a fool's errand that was destined to fail.

"No, I didn't. Not really. It was more that I wasn't over what happened between us. I hadn't come to grips with it. Did that push you back to Tanya?"

"Yes, until I realized that was unfair to everyone involved. She was my high school girlfriend and it was easy, but she wasn't you. I made us both miserable," he admitted. "That dance you were doing with Emmett was because I was back with Tanya?"

"Yes." My fingers stroked the curves and edges of his face. My fingertips memorizing every inch of him.

Edward relaxed into my touch. "I traveled the world to become the type of man who would deserve you. If Alice told me you were seeing anyone seriously, I would have rushed back."

"You wasted time, Mr. Cullen. Alice is in so much trouble." I couldn't help smiling at the thought of Alice playing matchmaker. "That girl seems rough, but she's a romantic at heart."

I closed my eyes and gave a internal shout of happiness, but said out loud, "We still have a lot to talk about."

"Of course! No more confusion." There was gleam of excitement in his eyes. He was bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. I was reminded of an eager pre-schooler about to get a piece of candy.

I could do this. Try a different kind of bravery that was brought on by experience and a desire to find one's happiness.

Brushing his nose against mine, Edward he continued, "Are we doing this? Please say yes."

"Yes." I sealed it with a kiss.

It was the only answer.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hi. Thank you. Enjoy.****  
**  
Chapter 6

_The stage lights were so bright that I was nearly blinded by them. There wasn't people staring at me, but malicious shadows. Adding to my uncomfortable distress, there was a chill in the air that pierced the simple, ivory slip I wore. Naked underneath, I felt exposed to the audience that sat in the seats of the campus auditorium. It was terrifying. _

_There is an old technique that I remember my teacher used to spout in eleventh grade debate class. He found the concept of picturing the audience naked both helpful and hilarious. I tell you this, when you're under those lights you aren't thinking about the nudity of the people watching. Instead, you are worrying about the possible embarrassment that's on the way. You are the one who is exposed. You are the one who is naked. _

_So here I stood on the stage next to Jason Jenks. He was shirtless and there were goosebumps on his pale chest. Yet my fellow actor seemed completely relaxed compared to me. He easily spoke his lines, but I didn't have the same luck. I knew the words Helena was supposed to say. She was trying to figure out what her reality was and these confusing feelings that were now making themselves apparent to her over this facsimile of a man. Helena wasn't a real girl. The professor found some obscure play about robots becoming more human. All there was of Helena was a figment of reality. I understood this character. It seemed I was always just on the surface of discovering my truth. I wasn't a real girl either. I was Helena and she was me. _

_Or at least I thought. _

_It was the words that she stumbled over to explain to Gregory her newly found emotions. The words that I thought I knew backwards and forwards. The words I could recite upside down had vanished from my mind with a poof. I was left with nothing. _

_Without the words, I was left with nothing. I used my own and tried to find the way onto Helena's metallic heart. Her fingers running through Gregory's brown locks. The voice of a child discovering love for the very first time. It made Jason stumble and forget his own lines. The play started out a drama, but after our shenanigans it became a farce. _

_I was never so happy to have something end in my life. Unfortunately, we had to do it all again the next night. _

"_You were great, Bella." Jason patted my shoulder as I sat on an old folding chair. _

"_Thanks." The smile I gave him was forced. "You were terrific."_

_It was the truth. The dark-haired senior could have a career in the movies after graduation. _

"_I think we did a good job creating a relationship," he continued. "Sometimes it's more about the connection between the actors than the script."_

"_Tell that to Professor Thompson." I thought about the teacher's disapproving glare. He might look like Santa Claus with his fluffy beard and rotund belly, but he was tough and not always fair._

"_It will be fine." Jason gave my hand a squeeze. "Coming to the cast party at John's?"_

_My answer was a shrug and the semblance of a grin. I should stay away from the liquor and stick with the studying my script for the next night. _

_The entrance to the dressing rooms were at the farthest end of backstage. It was dark and I stumbled toward a sliver of illumination coming from the general location of the doorway. It occurred to me that once I shed this costume, this thick coating of pancake makeup that covered my face, I could forget. Forget failing so epically tonight. _

"_You shouldn't have cast her, Bernard," Professor Molina's voice echoed through the dark. I found myself against the cold brick wall behind a piece of the set. "Bella is too raw for a role like that. Maybe in a few years she might be ready. A big might."_

_I was shattered. Professor Molina was another drama professor who was my favorite. He was dynamic and fun. He designed sets as his profession and taught because he enjoyed it. I thought he liked me. _

_Professor Thompson snorted. "It was only because the girl is pretty and has that vapid look that I needed for a robot."_

_Somehow I stifled a gasp, but the tears ran freely. _

"_I see that, but you need to give her some credit. Bella is quite a talented artist. I should try to talk her into more set design courses," Professor Molina said. _

"_She should change her major to be with Jack, David. Miss Swan can't handle the pressure." Professor Thompson's voice was unflinching harsh. "Shall we grab a drink over at the inn?"_

_I stayed quiet until the two men exited and, once I knew I was alone, cried out. It sounded like a wounded animal. I slumped down onto the floor and curled myself into a ball. My plans, my dreams, were destroyed that day. I made the wrong choice. _

"_Bella?" Loud footsteps were heard on the wooden stage. "Why are you crying, button?"_

_I looked up and found in Emmett McCarty in the shadows. I sniffed and wiped my face on my bare arm. The chemise provided no extra fabric for nose wiping. I was disgusting. "I'm fine."_

_He picked me up and sat me on my feet. His hands rubbed my arms. "Liar. You were just prettiest, little thing on that stage. I never could do what you did up there. It was brave. You were funny up there."_

"_It wasn't a comedy," I sniffed loudly. _

"_Really? Well . . . You saved the day, girl! That would be one shitty play without you fixing it." He wiped the tears away with his thumbs and slid his hands down to the straps of my chemise. Those large fingers slipped under them to touch my skin. "So pretty."_

_My heart beat so quickly. _

_Emmett moved his hands away from my body and pulled something out if his back pocket. "This is for you."_

_He placed a cassette tape container in my hand. In his messy handwriting, he wrote a list of songs. _

"_Thank you." I wasn't sure what else to say. The gift was unexpected and quite confusing. _

"_It's Enya. You've been looking stressed." He pushed my nose. "I have to meet some guys at The Strand. I'll see you around."_

_He moved away and I stood there with the tape in my hand. I watched as he began to walk away, but he turned and headed back confidently. Emmett touched my cheek. "One more thing."_

_There was a kiss placed upon my lips. A hand grazing my lower back. It was heated and unexpected. I could taste the salt of my tears and knew that Emmett could to. _

"_See you around, button." _

_To tell the truth, I listened to that tape everyday for two weeks. I still have it to remember a moment when I thought I had seen the real Emmett McCarty. I should have thrown it in the trash. _

XXXXXX

Andy's Bar was my favorite place in college.

It was more than a bar. It was meeting place of musicians and artists. The walls were a random assortment of bright colors found in the Mediterranean. Coral and teal were lit by crystal chandeliers. There were large canvases of nudes hanging next to concert poster tacked on with masking tape. We were surrounded by the ambiance as we sat on eclectic furniture surrounding a small stage. Edward and I sat on an old couch. His hand on my thigh, rubbing up and down.

Kate and Rosalie kept looking at us and giggling. They were as subtle as a sledgehammer.

"Alice, you going to sing for us?" Charlotte came up to us slowly. The owner of Andy's hadn't changed much since the seventies. She still wore flowing linen dresses and had a hairstyle reminiscent of Stevie Nicks.

I could see from Alice's expression that she was tempted. "I shouldn't. You wouldn't want me to show up those kids over there."

Alice pointed at a group of grungy, young men wearing black tee-shirts and dirty sneakers setting up microphones and were tuning their fiddles.

"Those kids are terrible. That one with all the piercings is our nephew. My sister guilted me into booking the twerp," Peter, Charlotte's husband, complained from behind the bar. The lights over the bar bounced off his bald head creating a glare. "Save my ears and I shall gift you with this, Al."

A bottle of whiskey was placed on the counter. Alice's eyes began twinkling. "I don't know, but—"

"I think you should. Can I join in?" James Taylor announced walking up. He had grown into a handsome man, but those black thick framed glasses still had an honored place on his face. Alice jumped up to hug him. "You have your guitar, girl?"

"You still tickling those ivories?" She asked excitedly. Those two were best friends since the first day of Music Theory. They made beautiful, platonic music together.

"Of course. I've been meaning to call you about setting up a recording session. I have an idea—" He began excitedly, but stopped when he noticed the rest of us watching. "Oh hi, guys. Hey, Rose."

He greeted her and stared unabashedly. When Rosalie smiled, James blushed and tried to cover it up with a fake cough.

Edward pulled me closer. He whispered in my ear, "Looks like Cupid is in the house."

"More like forgotten feelings being reawakened. I blame the beer." I held up the bottle I held. "I'm not such a romantic anymore."

"I disagree. I think we both are finding the romance again." His lips hit my temple. I bit my lip to hide the smile that was threatening to form. Kate was watching like a hawk and laughing like a loon at me. I just wanted to enjoy this feeling again.

I watched Alice and James push the fiddle band away and start to set up. She looked up from setting up the mic and her dark eyes narrowed like a cat's. I turned my head and saw Jasper enter followed by Emmett. Their complete lack of care was galling. Andy's wasn't a place that you would find those two back in the old days. They hung out at The Strand. That was a dump outside of town with a spotty record of checking IDs and sold bad beer for a quarter. I had only been there a few times, but between the pulsating noise pollution of club music and the barely dressed coeds, I wasn't impressed. It was a land of one night stands and alcohol poisoning.

Emmett smiled at me and waved. I just nodded with my face frozen into a grimace and looked over at Jasper. He was staring at Alice like he just noticed something amazing for the very first time. Did he remember the shy brunette with coke bottle glasses and a tendency to stutter when she was around him? I remember her. She would draw hearts inside her notebook with a single J written in her bubbly script. Some thought she was talking about James and we never corrected them, but I knew the truth. Only around Jasper would her eyes become unfocused in a dream she knew would never come to pass.

That night Alice became a joke to his friends? Did he remember? She was lovely that night. It was her Cinderella moment at the fraternity dance. Her date with Alec Grant was a lie. She was mocked and Jasper stayed silent and let them laugh.

Did he remember that night or did it fade with rushing toward adulthood expectations? I remembered every time I look at the fierce, small woman who used her pain and anger to blister her listeners into remembering every slight they ever perpetuated against another. It was raw emotions and she was exquisite.

Tonight the song she played was softer and almost bittersweet. The ire was tempered. The lyrics were about feelings unfulfilled and an unrequited love. The melody of the acoustic guitar and piano playing together was melancholy. There was a power when Alice played with James that I had forgotten. They were playing a song of beginnings and endings.

It was Alice's song to Jasper. I watched him wipe a tear from his eye. Maybe he remembered and perhaps he held some regret.

When I ventured to look, Emmett stared at me with grim determination. It worried me and left me cold. Emmett McCarty didn't like to lose and he hated being ignored.

It was also the song of us, Emmett and I. For every glimmer of goodness he could exhibit, Emmett was quick to turn it around to break me over and over. One would think after getting burned you would remember to not stick your hand back in the fire. Yet, again and again, I would allow myself to be engulfed by him.

"It's a beautiful song," Edward rubbed my leg. He was a part of my song as well. Through all the misunderstandings, he still filled me with a heat of need that I had been missing for far too long. There was a possibility this could be the beginning of a new tune that would be filled with hope. Maybe. One could only wish upon a star and keep their fingers crossed. "But so sad."

"Maybe a happy one is on the way," I suggested quietly. I kissed Edward's neck and placed my head on his shoulder.

I wish.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Why Emmett? Because I once fell head over heels for a charming and goofy boy who would suck you dry if he got half a chance. Sounds like a vampire to me. Also he had some kick ass dimples. **

**Enjoy and thank you for reading. **

Chapter 7

"_I don't think we're allowed up here," I pointed out to Edward as he pulled me up the stairs of Washington Hall. We had broke in. Technically, it was Edward who broke in. I was just an unwilling accomplice being forced upward under the red lights used at night in the classroom buildings. _

"_It's cool. You worry too much, Swan. At least when you're sober," he teased. Things had been tense with us lately. Dear Tyler had been quite the gossip with the rumors of Tanya making her appearance on campus this past weekend. I decided to avoid Edward and he decided to harass me. _

"_I have homework to do." My sketchbook was clasped tightly in my hand and the pencils were stuck in the back pocket of my jeans._

"_Do it up here. The perfect place for inspiration," Edward explained as we reached the top where there was a small steel door on the celling. _

_I started to climb down. "There is no light up there to work. You need a lamp to make the brightness needed to draw anything this time of night. Are you planning on murdering me, Cullen? The ambiance is perfect for creepy stabbings."_

"_Aww, Swan, you ruined my evil plan." He let out a laugh like a mad scientist in those old black and white horror flicks. "Stop being a worry wart. This is my apology for whatever I did to make you mad at me."_

_I was mad at him for not loving me. That wasn't Edward's fault. I did that all on my own. _

"_I'm no mad, just busy—"_

_Edward opened the door and climbed up. He held his hand out to pull me up. "Bullshit, Bella. Come see the magic."_

_I handed him my sketch book and climbed up myself. Touching him was far too dangerous. I made it up and looked around me in awe. "Whoa."_

_There was a rooftop garden. Planters filled with flowering bushes surrounded a small, metal bistro table and chairs. There was a cooler sitting nearby. The area was lit by trellises covered in tiny, white Christmas lights and the stars in the sky. It was beautiful. It was romantic. It was the perfect place to be with the boy I adored. Unfortunately, Edward wasn't mine. _

"_I shouldn't be here. It really is lovely, but this is the type of place you bring—"_

"_One of your favorite people, Bella." Edward placed a hand on my mouth and led me to the table. He then went to the cooler, pulled out a can of beer, and tossed it to me. "Drink and draw, girl. Don't let my hard work go to waste."_

_Liquid courage in a can. I thought Budweiser tasted like stinky water, but beggars can't be choosers. _

"_You did this for me?" I took drink and wished for something stronger. I tried to flip through my sketchbook quickly. It was filled with pencil images of Edward and Emmett. It was a more creative version of writing a series of Mrs. Insert Favorite Boy's Name in my notebook. _

_Edward sat across from me and popped open his own beer. He drank it quickly and stared at me. It was unnerving. "You've been sad."_

_No shit, Sherlock. I've been miserable over Edward. Over Emmett. But they were only the surface. I didn't know what I wanted to be. I was like a beached fish floundering on the sand. There was nothing to pull me back into the waters to get me where I needed to go. College was a time of discovery, but I had no clue what direction to go. _

_Hide it with a joke. It was my first instinct. It was always my go to. You hide the pain with a quip. "They stopped serving soft serve strawberry in the cafeteria! Do they have no feelings? The cafeteria workers mocked me for my hate of chocolate. What the hell is wrong with people? They are definitely strawberry bigots." _

"_Are what the hell is wrong with you, weirdo? Who hates chocolate? Only you, Bella." He opened up another beer. I had never seen him drink like this. He was practically licking the can clean for every last drop. "You need to tell me what I did."_

_I decided to go with a half-truth. My head upward to those stars. They were so bright like we all imagined how our futures would be._

"_I think I need to find a new path," I explained. "I'm so much happier in my drawing classes. There isn't this stress to win the part and expose myself. It's a terrible feeling to fail in front of so many people."_

_I finished my beer at that thought. Chugged it down like Edward did. I crushed it on the table and demanded, "Another."_

"_That's my girl." He gave me another one with a wink. I wished I was his girl. "We all can fail. In everything we do there is a chance of failing. You shouldn't give up your dreams if that's what scares you."_

"_I don't think it makes me happy. The acting that is. I get stressed memorizing lines and I get stressed performing. All I want is to be happy or at least see some happiness on the horizon. Isn't that what everyone wants?"_

"_You make me happy." He was on beer three. Just knocking them back like a champ. _

_Edward wasn't himself tonight. Not completely. He never had gotten drunk around me. Ever. _

"_You want to slow down a bit, champ? I asked. _

"_You want to catch up, pretty Bell?" He gave me a lopsided grin. "Draw for me."_

_So I did. I drew the night sky. My pencil tried to capture the curves of the flowers and the movement of Edward's hair in the night breeze. _

_I drank quickly. The beer made the images seem clearer to me. I could feel the electricity of everything around me find new life on the paper. Tomorrow, in the morning light, every line would most likely look like a jumbled mess. _

"_What do you draw in class?" Edward asked, interrupting me from my doodling. _

"_Lots of things. Still-lifes mostly. Flower arrangements sometimes. An assortment of boxes and styrofoam cones or—"_

"_Nudes?" I looked up to see amusement in his eyes over his own question. "Do you get to sketch naked people."_

_Edward was curious about that? I played with the end of my pencil. "No. There is an alumni who donates a lot of money to the school and thinks nudity is a sign of the devil. They won't allow it taught in class. There are some impromptu groups that pop up that take turns as the models, but I couldn't."_

"_Look at naked people or be the model?" He leaned in closer to me. _

_I blushed and prayed that he didn't see my discomfort. "A little of both. I would feel too awkward being naked like that." _

"_You shouldn't. I could see you being a piece of art." His eyes bore into me and then to my surprise he added, "I'll be your model. You can practice on me."_

"_You trying to get a rise out of me?" I asked nervously._

"_If it wasn't so chilly tonight, I would be worried about something else rising," he teased. I dropped my pencil on the table. Edward took off his shirt and stood up to unbutton his jeans. I was dumbstruck. I wanted this. I wanted him._

_Weakly, I protested, "Stop, Edward."_

"_It will work! You're comfortable around me!" He pulled his pants down and stood in his boxers. I wasn't at all comfortable, but definitely in awe. _

_I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The wiry muscles that I wanted to trace with my fingertips. The trail of reddish hair that traveled down his chest that I imagined running my lips over with featherlight kisses. The way his body could be a tactile sculpture that should be experienced by smell, touch, and taste. I didn't want to draw him I realized as his boxers hit the ground, I wanted to be engulfed by every inch of his skin. _

"_Edward—" It came out as a sigh. _

_He sat down in the chair. With eyes as dark as the sky that the stars lived in, Edward said huskily, "Draw."_

_I drew every inch of him with hurried, but passionate lines. I drew my lustful dreams and my love filled daydreams. My first thoughts of the day were always of him. My slumber filled with images of him looking this way. When I finished, I stared down at my creation and sighed. This would always be a reminder of my wish for Edward Cullen. _

"_Can I see?" I felt his body heat as he approached. I continued to peer downward. "God, you're so talented."_

_My gaze turned upward and Edward's mouth crashed into mine. I was pulled up and my clothed body was pulled flush against his naked one. My fingers dug into the skin on his shoulders and he held my butt in his hands, kneading it like dough. Was it hours or mere seconds? I didn't know, because for me it felt like forever._

_It was desperate and raw. It was everything. Until it just stopped. _

"_We can't do this," he said into my forehead. "So many things—"_

"_So many what?" I felt lightheaded and confused. _

_He shook his head. "You're not ready. Emmett—"_

"_Emmett who? He's nothing to me."_

"_Tanya—"_

_That was all I needed to hear. I pushed him away and spat, "Call you girlfriend. Tell her you're an ass."_

"_She's not my girlfriend anymore. Bella, this is so messed up right now. I was rushing things before we settled anything." He started pulling at his hair in frustration. _

_I glanced at his semi-erect penis with a glare. It was a reminder that I wasn't quite enough. "Put on your pants. Are you still in love with her?"_

_I asked because I was a masochist. _

"_Maybe . . . No . . ." He tried to take my hand. "This was supposed to work out differently."_

"_Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? Why the hell did you kiss me?" I felt physically sick._

_He looked teary-eyed. "I've always wanted to kiss you! The beer . . . The sexy way you looked drawing me—"_

"_This is about sex? Just perfect," I angrily interjected. I kept moving backward. Away from him and away from more pain. "Let's forget anything happened. I'll see you around."_

_I rushed out of there quickly. I heard him yell for me as I almost fell down those stairs. _

_I ran and kept on running for years. _

XXXXXX

I stood at the bar waiting for the drinks I ordered. Edward had gone to the bathroom, so Alice and I decided to get refills for the group. She was trying to avoid her new admirers from the fiddling band. As I place my order, I noticed her turning around and yelling. Her small fists were waving angrily at someone. It was Jasper and he looked miserable.

Good.

Jasper just took everything she gave him. I tried not to listen, but as they started to leave. I heard Alice yell, "You deserve no forgiveness and no mercy!"

"Alice, I will spend the rest of my days trying to earn your forgiveness! You got my letters, right?"

She hissed, "Also your voice mails, you asshole stalker! You've been harassing me for years!"

Jasper gave her puppy dog eyes. "I go to all your shows too."

"Alice, where are—" I began to say.

"I'm going to scream at him outside. Peter and Char don't need this drama in here." She pulled Jasper by the arm and he followed her willing.

Alice had been getting messages from Jasper for years? She had told us nothing about this. It made me wonder about her true feelings for Jasper Whitlock. Was she willing to be forgiving?

I felt a tap on my shoulder and found Emmett grinning at me. He used his head to motion to the door where Alice and Jasper were now leaving from. "He has it bad for that girl."

"He better get over it. She finds him revolting." I turned to look at the mirror behind the bar which was filled with other customers shouting out orders to Peter. We looked older, Emmett seemed to have filled out more and I was no longer the girl in tee-shirts and jeans. The years change so much. Perhaps he changed. I wasn't going to bet on it.

"You know what they say about the line between love and hate? It's thin, baby." He had the audacity to smirk at me as we both gazed at our reflections.

I tapped my fingers on the bar in annoyance. I needed my drinks and to be away from him. "I disagree. I think love and hate are pretty clear cut in their differences. For instance, I hate you and would like you to go away. I want the people I love to be near me. See the difference?"

"Aww, girl, you miss me." He moved so his back was against the bar and could look directly at my face. I decided to stare at Peter's bald head. "I could eat that nose right up, button."

"Would you please shut the hell up?" I tapped my fingers harder against the wood. It was beginning to be painful, but better than punching him in the gut.

He placed his hand over my agitated hand to still it. "Easy there, Bella, you need to chill. Are you dating Edward Cullen?"

"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?" I pulled my hand away. His touched burned me.

"No."

I sighed and looked at him. "I'm with Edward."

"Since when? I overhead Kate tell Irina you were single." He crossed his arms and seemed skeptical.

"I've been with Edward for some time. You must have heard incorrectly."

Technically, some time was a couple of hours. Emmett had no need to know about the timing.

"I don't care. I've been thinking about you," he stated. When Peter placed my beer in front of me, Emmett grabbed it and started drinking.

"Hey!" I complained. He wiggled his eyebrows at me and there was a beer foam mustache around his mouth.

He looked sad. "Nothing? Not even a little giggle? You need me back in your life to make you laugh again. You've become way too serious."

"Peter, can I get another beer? This asshole is paying for it," I told Peter sweetly. I than turned my ire onto Emmett. "You know that every fucking word that comes out of your mouth is bullshit, right? I'm certain that you haven't thought about me once since I transferred. Hell, you didn't even think about me when I still went to school here! You are the one who thought I wasn't good enough for you! I remember when you gave me the cold shoulder for months, Emmett! It was for the best. I see this now, but god it hurt back then. The only reason you have even a remote interest in me is the fact that I want _nothing _to do with you and I have a real chance of being happy with Edward."

"I've always thought about the one that got away. I need to fix it. Fix us." His hand came up to my face and I batted it away. "Come on, Bella! We were so good together!"

"We weren't together at all! I was one of many!"

My whole body felt like I had the flu. I was shaking and hot in my rage. How could he just be so nonchalant about his actions? There has to be something missing in him like the connection to his empathy. Of course, he could be completely void of compassion. It made me sad that once upon a time this guy had any control over me.

"I'm ready now for us to be together! I had to experience college, but I knew that someday we would be a couple. Remember when I told you that you were the type of girl a guy marries?" He put a hand on my neck. "You would make a fucking beautiful bride."

He was talking about that night I gave him my virginity.

"Get off me!" I pushed him away. I hated him so much.

Edward pushed through the crowd and wrapped his arm around me. "Stay away from Bella!"

"Being the White Knight again, Cullen? Bella has been my girl since the first day we met." Emmett addressed me next. "Tell me what to do, Bella. How do I win you back?"

"You can't win me back. But you know what would be nice? Saying you're sorry. It would be amazing to see that there is actually a heart in your body and not just an empty chest cavity," I stated.

Edward pulled me tighter to him and grabbed a bag that Peter handed to him. He nodded his thanks and then told me, "I have a surprise for you. Let me take you on an adventure."

I followed Edward to outside of the bar and to our adventure. I looked back only once to find Emmett following us out the door. He mouthed, "I'm sorry."

The gesture was far too little and way too late.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: This was a tough one to write. Be gentle. Thanks.**

Chapter 8

_My parents were going to kill me. It wasn't a question of if but when. _

_Tears rolled down my face as the needle pierced my nose. Pain radiated from where the steel entered cartilage. Rose's hand was used to ground me from jumping up and scurrying away to safety. My nails dug into her skin, but she refused to complain._

_Angela just sat in a nearby chair and watched intently. She chewed on the nail of her little finger nervously. "That's kick ass."_

_My eyes went to Rosalie. She took her other hand and rubbed my back with gentle strokes. The heavily tattooed man with rings and silver studs filling up all the space in his ears was named Gus. He was taking his time moving the needle in. There was a magenta dragon snarling with pointy teeth on his bicep. It reminded me of a horrible night. A night that had nothing to do with either Edward or Emmett._

"_We do this together, Bella Swan. We are strong and I'm so proud of the both of us." Rosalie closed her eyes and said, "I'm definitely getting my eyebrow pierced instead."_

"_That will be hot, honey," the piercer stated. His voice was thick with years of tobacco and hard living. _

_I thought about the one who was missing. "Jessica should be here with us. It would be good to have her be a part of this."_

"_Yes, but she couldn't stay. Jess stuck it out as long as she could," Rosalie answered. I saw her blink away a tear. _

_This hadn't been the plan for the weekend. A visit to a tattoo and piercing parlor in Lancaster wasn't even a glimmer of an idea. We were going to escape to Pennsylvania and visit my high school friend, Angela at her college. It was a chance to get away from the stress of the firestorm that was swirling on campus. Jessica was the bravest of us all, but now she was hiding at her childhood home and healing the best way she could. _

_Rosalie and I just soldiered on and pretended that we were okay. That he didn't break us. Royce did though. The cracks were there. Any bit of additional stress would cause us both to shatter in millions of pieces. It would be so easy to let yourself just be crushed by the weight of what happened. Every time that song came on the radio it was reminder of my own stupidity. I should have known better. I could have fought harder. _

"_You should transfer," Angela stated. "Both of you. It's nicer here. There's Amish people."_

"_The Amish are assholes," Gus pointed out, as he placed a stud into the hole. "They screw up traffic to the outlets with those damn buggies. The drive there is fucked up enough with all the damn tourists. Here you go, kid. Follow the rules on the pamphlet."_

_Gus wasn't lying. The traffic was terrible and there seemed to be road construction every couple of miles. It was insanely busy for rolling, idyllic fields of farmland. _

"_I can't get in to your school, Ang. My grades suck." I hopped out of the chair and Rosalie replaced me in it. I took her hand and she smiled up at me. Sometimes things happen to people that bring them together that are stronger than blood ties. We are forever sisters in our devotion to each other. _

"_Apply to the university in the next town. It's a state school so it isn't too expensive and they have a strong art department. My friend Jake is an art major there, and his sculptures are amazing! They do bronze castings."_

_She had me intrigued at the idea of sculpting something that was more than clay. A material that was stronger and more permanent. A metal I would like to emulate. _

"_I couldn't—"_

_Rosalie spoke up. "Maybe you could, Bella. Listen, I would leave if I could. I'm getting a full scholarship and I need that. You have a way too many loans and your parents aren't paying your tuition. This could be so much better!"_

_My tuition. I didn't know why they stopped paying. Having to go to the Dean and plea my case was more than embarrassing. I felt so small as she looked over her bifocals and told me I was going to be kicked out of school if I didn't pay immediately. I had no clue it was happening. My mother didn't warn me. I felt abandoned that day. It was another addition of misfortune in a terrible year. I couldn't climb out of the hole I found myself in._

_I ended up putting the tuition on a credit card I got at the student union. The idea of getting a free tee-shirt and water bottle was too good to ignore at the time. Now I was going to be in debt for years, but at least I would have a cheaply made tee to keep me warm and a bottle to collect rain water to drink. I was never going to pay that card off._

"_I can't leave you, Rosie." I couldn't leave her with those memories. What happened to her was far worse, just like Jessica. If I only knew what happened to Rosalie, why she turned inward and hid away, maybe I could have done something. Maybe I wouldn't have found myself in the same predicament. _

_Rosalie held my hand tightly, as Gus took that needle and place it in her eyebrow. She tried hard not to wince. _

"_Stay still, honey," Gus barked. _

"_Rosalie and Alice can visit every weekend. It's not a long drive," Angela suggested. "Think of all possibilities that could happen if you go to school around here! That school you girls are at is toxic!"_

"_You're very exuberant about Pennsylvania, Ang. Have you meet a nice Mennonite?" Rosalie asked with a wince. "Damn that hurt, man!"_

"_Pain is pleasure, baby," Gus replied. "You kids have much to learn. Come pay up front."_

_We headed toward the front of the store and Rosalie put a hand on my shoulder to still me. "Bell, think about it will you? We'll still be here for each other, but you have a mountain of shit being heaped on you. You've been acting out and I get it. I really do. I'm just afraid you aren't dealing with things right now and, if you don't, it will just get work."_

_I knew I was acting out. The partying, the drinking, the random guys were all getting out of hand. I would lay down to sleep at night and stare at the ceiling just trying to make sense of why I was being such a jerk. The rational way to react would be to agree with Rosalie's sensible words, but rational thought hadn't been my forte for months. _

"_Should I be like you? You hide out in your room in sweats! I can barely get you to class, Rose. Your grades are worse than mine. You'll lose that scholarship of yours," I spat in anger. Immediately, I felt remorse. I looked at her face crumple and tears stream down. I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. "I'm such a stupid bitch! Ignore me! You're completely right about me. I need to settle down and—"_

_She pulled me away and wiped her face with a crumpled tissue that she pulled out of her jeans pocket. "No, you're right. I've been hiding away. We've been dealing with this fucked up mess in our own ways. Jess, has been the only one to face things head on."_

"_Do you think she finds the therapist helpful?" I wondered aloud. _

"_Maybe? I hope so." Rosalie nudged me in the arm with her pointer finger. "We'll figure it out. We're too strong to let him win."_

"_Ladies, are you going to pay or make-out?" Gus called by the computer on the desk. "I don't mind a free show, but—"_

"_We're coming!" Rosalie shouted back and headed over to him. _

_It might be the perfect solution. I needed to fix myself and starting over might be a good first step. There was more to life than obsessively crushing on two unattainable boys. There was more to life than daily reliving an attack that I barely escaped from. There was more to me than hiding from figuring out my future. I needed to perspective and this place might be the way to do it. _

XXXXXX

"Where are we going, Edward?" He was almost skipping with me. Hands clasped and fingers linked, we were almost child-like in our enthusiasm.

He just whistled and pulled me down a sidewalk that headed back to campus. It was getting late and the moon lit our way. It made Edward glow and his looked magical. I couldn't help but stare.

"Like what you see?" He asked cheekily.

I stopped with a half-hearted frown. "You are ignoring my question, mister!"

"You aren't good with surprises, Miss Swan." He pulled me flush against his body. "You should always assume that they will be wonderful."

Some surprises weren't wonderful. At times they could be nasty and soul crushing. It wasn't a coincidence that my mood had changed in an instant. From the corner of my eye I saw the building that plagued my nightmares.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He turned my face away from the Lambda House.

We were in fraternity row. It wasn't far from the classroom buildings and though my intention was to avoid this area at all costs, here I was trying to battle the fragments of memories from returning.

_His hand was on my neck. Tightening. I was pushed down on the pool table. Legs flailing. _

There were young men coming out of the brick building. The chapter's Greek Letters proudly displayed on the wall. The boys' laughter filled the night air as they gave each other fist pumps.

"_Lauren, will be back in here any minute, Royce!" I gasped. "Get off!"_

"Bella, come back to me. Honey, come on tell me what's happening in that head of yours." Edward had both hands on my face. I shivered, but it wasn't from the night air.

"Did you know that I hate playing pool?" I spat. "Awful game."

_Mouth pressed against mine, as his hands wrestled with the buttons of my shorts. I wriggled to get out of his grasp. I didn't want this! Where was Lauren? She was supposed to be right back! _

I kept talking in a monotone. "I didn't leave because of you. Edward? Don't you get upset and ask if it was Emmett. It wasn't."

Three years of therapy and one short walk made all the progress appear null and void.

Edward was about to speak, but I placed a hand over his mouth. "I'm just going to get this out there in the universe, okay? Just try to understand."

"_Laur—" His hand clasped tightly to my mouth. My favorite green shirt ripped open. _

It comes to me in tiny fragments. As if the feelings come back with snippets of images and dialogue. Rose remembers differently about when it happened to her. She said it felt like she was watching a movie. The whole hell ride with Royce just plays out from beginning to end, and she just relives it all like an outsider staring at a screen. Maybe my brain decided to give me only the amount I can take? Sometimes when I wake up at night in a cold sweat, I wonder if my head is coming to grip with the memories in my subconscious. Of course, it could be anything. I could be just dreaming of zombies, vampires, or werewolves. Things of the night that aren't even close to being as scary as the real-life wickedness of men.

"You know all that stuff that happened with Royce King? The arrest?" I asked looking into his eyes. They reminded me of the forest and I needed to get lost in the green.

"That asshole who hurt Rosalie and Jessica? I always hated that prick. I'm glad he's in jail," he spat. Then his face turned thoughtful and grimmer when he came to the realization. "Please don't tell—"

"There were three girls. Probably more. I was the coward." I lowered my face to the pavement and began to count the cracks. The cracks in my heart were probably more plentiful. "Jessica spoke to the authorities first, then Rosalie told her story too. Back then I thought it was my fault. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, while tipsy on wine coolers. I was playing with the eight ball waiting for Lauren to finish talking to that French guy. I think it was Lafayette or Laurent. Something like that. I was leaning over the table, rolling the ball—"

"_I never see you around here, Bella. You're friends with Rosie, right?" _

_I gave him a little smile. I knew his relationship with Rosalie went sour quickly, but was never given any details. She was sad all of the time and I couldn't help her. I had thought she must still really love him. _

_His hand touched my hip. "You're pretty. I hadn't noticed." _

_Royce's voice was chilling and his eyes held no warmth. _

"Did he rape you?" Edward said with a pained expression. Then he whispered, "I'll kill him."

I wrapped my hands around the back of Edward's neck and pulled him close. His arms around my waist held me so very tight as if I would vanish at any time.

"It was close. I stopped him, but it was so fucking close." I swallowed thickly.

_Kicking and flailing did no good. His hand still on my mouth, I couldn't scream. Royce's hand was down my pants—_

_I bit down hard on his palm. He let out a scream and let go. There was a pool stick against the table and I grabbed it. _

"_You bitch!" He yelled at came after me. _

_I poked him in the gut with the stick. Royce let out a grunt, but I don't think it hurt him. Luckily for me, he was stunned enough that I could flee. My shirt hanging off and exposing me to the night air. I left Lauren to fend for herself. _

"I told Rose and I offered to tell my story to her attorney, but I didn't think it would help. They took a statement and told me I should press charges too. I regret not doing it." I shrugged and before he could disagree, I shook my head. "I know better now. At least he's in jail. Therapy is a wondrous thing, but back then I was a mess. I was lucky."

"How are you lucky?" Edward asked incredulously. He started stroking my hair.

I smiled sadly. "Rosalie and Jessica had it much worse. They are the strongest women I know. I'm honored to be friends with both."

"I think you're strong and thank you for telling me this." He hugged me and kissed my head. "Do you want me to take you back to the dorms? We can talk there."

"I want my surprise, mister," I answered. "Let's end this night on a happy note."

XXXXXX

"Back to the scene of the crime?" I looked around me in wonder at the rooftop garden. The lights were still there. The flowers planted were probably different and the moon was brighter tonight, but I had a feeling of déjà vu at the sight. "Did you pack a sketch pad and some pencils?"

"Nope." He gave me a wink before spreading out a blanket on the ground that he took out of the bag. "Peter is a romantic, but not the type who likes naked sketching."

"That's more Charlotte's thing, I imagine." I sat on his blanket. "What else is in Romance Pete's bag of tricks?"

Edward sat next to me with our hips touching. He stroked my arm with his pointer finger. "I was going to blindfold you and feed you seductively, but I think that's out for the night."

"I'm not a wilting flower, Edward Cullen! I've had a lot of years to deal with a scary situation. I had a rough moment, but trust me the good days outweigh the bad."

He moved swiftly and had my face cupped in both of his hands. Looking into my eyes for clues to my innermost thoughts. After a moment, Edward whispered, "I believe you. Change in plans though."

"Naked Twister?" I suggested. He made me forget about the bad. I wanted whatever was between us so badly that every inch of my nerves tingled.

He reached into the bag. A strawberry went up to my lips. He rubbed it on the skin and I could imagine them being stained red. I took a bite and the liquid dripped onto his hand. Not wanting to waste a drop I licked it off his fingers slowly.

"My turn," he whispered. Instead of taking out a new berry from the bag, he kissed me and nipped my bottom lip. "You make the fruit so much sweeter."

"Are you seducing me, Mr. Cullen?" I wondered allowed. I wanted to be ready for this. It scared me to be once again falling so deep.

He let out a deep chuckle. "No, ma'am, I'm wooing you."

Edward's mouth nibbled down my neck. He nuzzled his nose into my chest. His graceful fingers stroked the skin underneath the bottom of my shirt.

"You do good woo, sir," I complimented. I let myself trace the muscles of his stomach.

"Only with you," He murmured. Edward kissed my clavicle and I let out a moan. "Can I . . . May I . . . Go to second base?"

I giggled like a school girl.

"Only if we lose the shirts," I suggested. I pulled on the hem of his. It went over his head quickly. "It isn't like I haven't seen all of you."

"I've only seen the top of you. Boy, I've missed that view." His fingers unbuttoned slowly. They trembled slightly. He gazed at my simple, black bra. Kisses were placed on the cleavage. "Still beautiful."

"Yes. I tell them how impressive they are every morning," I joked. He silenced me with more kisses. I let him.

We kissed and touched like teenagers. Fingers stayed primarily above the waist as we tasted bare skin and nibbled earlobes. Edward's moan when I pressed against him made me tremble with anticipation of things to come. It was lazy touches and whispers of future dreams as the sun came up over the rooftop.

I hoped and I prayed, in the early light, that dawn was my new beginning with Edward.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: If you like it, please share with your friends. If you don't, that's okay too. **

**Enjoy! **

Chapter 9

_The lecture hall was filling up quickly and I was grateful to find a seat close to the back where I could pretend to blend into the taupe colored walls. I took a sip of my coffee. It went down easily, lukewarm from the amount of milk I had added. It was supposed to jolt me from the sleepiness that was threatening to overtake me, but it would be no help I was afraid. If I could barely stay awake before the class began, it would be a fruitless attempt to stay lucid when the professor started droning on._

"_Can I sit here?" _

_I looked up to see Emmett staring down at me with his big smile. It was as if he had forgotten about all the ways he hurt me. He probably had or didn't even care that I could be hurt by his actions. He was the school's golden boy and he believed he could do no wrong. _

_My answer was a non-committal shrug with my gaze continuing to face forward. I waved at Kate as she came in. She made a disgusted face at Emmett when she saw him sitting next to me and I returned her look with an eye-roll. Kate's hearty laugh filled the room. _

"_You two friends now?" he asked. _

"_Yup." I opened up my notebook and wrote the date carefully in the corner. I might as well begin writing my notes neatly, because as I drifted off to sleep during the lecture, my script was going to become unintelligible scribble. _

"_Is it weird being friends with Katie? I mean you both were with—"_

"_Nope." I started looking over my notes from the last week's class. Mathematic Principles was my worst class after French and I didn't have the time to waste talking to Emmett McCarty. _

"_Aren't you going to give me more than one word answers?" He sounded frustrated. "Look at me, damn it!"_

_I refused to let him have the satisfaction of having me follow his request. Instead, I looked over to where the professor was walking toward the large screen in front of the room. He was stereotypical in tweed and khaki. His bifocals were placed on the top of his shiny, bald head like an unneeded headband. The florescent lights made the man's scalp glow. He clicked on his laptop and the screen filled with algebraic equations. I couldn't contain my groan. _

"_I missed that sound," Emmett announced cheekily. "I loved being the one making you moan."_

_His words made me look at him with a glare. "If you're talking about my annoyed groans then excellent job. You mere presence causes me to make awful sounds."_

_The best way to ignore him was to jot down those terrible numbers that would confuse me for weeks. I needed to drop this class and take remedial math._

_He placed his hand over mine, making an angry streak across the page with my pen. Emmett whispered loudly, "I've missed you."_

"_Use your lines on somebody who cares," I hissed, pulling my hand away. _

_A studious girl to my left shushed us and started typing away on her calculator. _

"_Come to my room after class," Emmett whispered in a softer voice. "We can talk."_

"_Bullshit. You don't talk, McCarty, you put on Dave Matthews and get girls naked." I started writing again. "Been there and done that. I don't want a repeat."_

"_I bet you dream about a repeat, button." His chuckle was a bit too loud and several students gave us dirty looks. The professor just kept talking. He probably had his hearing aids turned off. "I'm being serious. I'll try to keep my hands to myself."_

"_No thanks."_

_He sighed loudly. Emmett volume was permanently on bullhorn setting. He started drumming his large hands on the desk. There was no rhyme or reason to the noise. It was disorienting. I tried to keep my attention on the professor who was almost as confusing as Emmett. _

"_Bella, I'm trying to show you that I'm trustworthy." His drumming became louder in his frustration. "You could at least give me a chance. We can watch MTV or something."_

_I stared at the shiny light radiating off the professor's skull. I hated that a part of me craved the attention Emmett was giving me. There was also a part of me that found going back to his room to be terrifying. After what happened with Royce, I found myself timid when it came to being alone with any man except for Tyler. I wondered if it would be comfortable if I was around Edward, but he had disappeared again. _

_The only time I felt okay being with unfamiliar men was after I had a good amount of liquid courage coursing through my veins. This school was toxic to me._

"_I hate bubble gum pop." I started writing faster. _

"_We can watch whatever you want, girl." His fingers hit the desk louder. "That Buffy chick? The one who kills vampires? I hear you girls love that shit."_

_I placed my pen down. "You are only interested in me when I'm ignoring you. Find a new hobby."_

"_Is it that gay guy? You like him or something?" _

"_What?"_

_Emmett started to drum the theme song to some old eighties theme show. "Cullen. He's in my German class. I see you hanging around him."_

"_We're friends. He has a girlfriend." I bit my lip and thought of Edward. _

_I missed Edward's smile. That's life, I guess. He was never mine to begin with, so it should be easier to get over him. Someday, I hope. _

"_Probably a drag queen," Emmett stated with a large belly laugh. His hands hitting the desk hard._

"_The equation is equal parts—" The professor adjusted his hearing aids. "Is there a supposed to be a thunderstorm today?"_

_There was a series of hisses and shushing noises coming from our classmates directed at us. I stuck my hands on Emmett's. I whispered harshly, "Cut it out! You're going to get us in trouble!" _

_He beamed and those dimples were in full effect. They made me melt. Emmett must know the power that they held over everyone. Mostly me. He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed the back of them. "You want to hold my hands." _

_I tried to pull them away to no avail. He held them so tightly. "Please let me go."_

"_Never. These are mine now, girl." Emmett's lips went back to my hands. "Come and watch TV with me. I have chips."_

_Weakly, I pleaded, "I need to take notes."_

"_I get straight A's in this class. I'll tutor your sexy ass." He continued to hold my hands to his lips. I was tingling. It was ridiculous, but I was craving the feeling of being wanted. _

"_You say that most offensive bullshit." I hated that I found it charming. _

_He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and buried his head in my neck. Kissing up and down. "You love it. I love your blush, button." _

"_You need to—"_

_Stop?_

_Kiss me more?_

_Become Edward?_

_My thoughts were a jumble. _

"_Come back with me after class. Please." His mouth sucked my earlobe. _

_I was a dumb ass. _

_I closed my eyes at the sensation his mouth created on my skin. "Okay."_

XXXXXX

I felt younger. There was a spring to my step that I hadn't realized had been missing. Love makes you feel a giddiness that is reminiscent of the joyful experiences of youth. The first taste of a strawberry ice cream cone. A soft breeze that hits your skin and smells like honeysuckle. Fireworks filling the night sky with colorful lights. This feeling was amazing.

I whistled a happy tune as I stared into the mirror of the women's bathroom in the dorms. A towel wrapped around my body and my skin feeling like it was covered with dew. I ran my fingers through my damp hair and imagined that they were Edward's.

"You're whistling," Alice observed, as she exited on of the stalls. She looked exhausted. "Why are you so happy?"

"Edward."

My reflection was smiling back at me.

"Nice," Alice announced.

I turned toward her and crossed my arms. "Why do you look exhausted?"

"My stalker named Jasper." She washed her hands and sighed. "The bastard grew up to be a nice guy."

"What an ass." I gave her a wink. "You forgive him and can now move on to greener pastures?"

She frowned at me in the mirror. "I'm going with him to eat breakfast in town. I have no time to like this guy, but I couldn't say no."

"Oh."

"I was planning on fucking him and moving on, but the stalker wanted to talk." She grabbed her lipstick out of her makeup bag and proceeded to color angry looking red lines on her mouth. "Damn him."

"You don't have to go, Alice," I pointed out. My fingers squeezed hers.

She gave a little smile. "Yeah, I do. It's the possibility, you know. You just have to go with it. Jasper really is hot. I wouldn't mind seeing if he's a good kisser."

I couldn't help laughing.

Alice continued, "You want to come? I need a chaperone."

"You are on your own, Ali. I'm meeting—"

"Edward. Keep it in your pants, woman." She gave me an evil grin. That's when Edward walked into the bathroom. "I change my previous statement. At least try to keep your towel on. This is a public bathroom, you perverts."

"Does she really have to, Ali? She looks like she needs a proper drying off." Edward's eyes never left me. He licked his lips and I mimicked his actions.

"You two are dirty. I like it," She started to head out, but turned around. "If you two do anything nasty on the sink, there's some Lysol in the janitor's closet."

I couldn't stop blushing at the thought. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed. I stared down at my purple flip flops. "Hi. What brings you into the ladies bathroom?"

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted my chin with his other hand. "Kate told me to find you in here. I missed you being with me."

"I was missing you too," I agreed. His hand traveled from my face to my neck. His fingers made circles on my skin.

"You're still wet, pretty girl." I took in a sharp breath at his words. "So very wet."

I blurted out when I felt his thumb go under the top of my towel. "You make me that way."

He lifted me swiftly and placed me on the sinks. Edward's mouth crashed onto mine and I felt cool air hit my naked body as he undid the towel. He placed a hand between my legs and rubbed slowly at first and then increased the speed. The pressure he applied was maddening. Edward's head went down and he nibbled on my breast.

The noise that escaped me was loud and primal.

I tried to gain control. My breath was ragged. "What if someone comes in?"

"Katie promised to guard the door," He explained lifting his mouth off of me. A finger entered, pulsing in and out. I felt a heat spread all over me. He made me feel like I was on fire.

My hands went to his belt, but Edward rocked his pelvis away from me. He added another finger and his thumb circled my clit. They moved in concert with each other. It was like he was directing a symphony. He whispered huskily, "I need to see you come undone again."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I hissed, "I want you."

"Tonight, tomorrow, morning, noon and night is all in our future, lovely." He pushed in faster and he was in so deep. "I'm not going to lose this again."

Our lips touched and he made me lightheaded at the sensation of falling apart. It was beautiful and it felt like everything was right in the world. I let loose a chorus of moans and cries. "Oh Edward!"

I was done for.

"My girl," he whispered into my clavicle. His lips left feather light kisses there.

My head rested on his chest as he wrapped the towel around me. We hugged each other tightly. I asked quietly, "How did this happen? How did we get so lucky?"

"Our stars aligned, love. Finally," Edward explained.

It felt true.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Kids, life isn't cut and dry. I'm not giving you the whole story in every chapter. Bella was a stupid kid. **_**I**_** was a stupid kid.**

**The italics are memories of the past. Not in particular order and snippets that occur as Bella remembers them. That's how the mind works. **

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 10

"_You have Sasquatch feet, Black!" I exclaimed. It made me giggle loudly and it echoed through the sculpture studio._

_Jacob and I were flat on the floor with the bottoms of our feet touching in the air. It was in the wee hours of the morning and the many hours of trying to finish our projects had made us start acting like the insane. _

_He snorted. "Whatever, Swanie. Have you checked out those banana boats you're sporting? Those feet of yours aren't the feet of a delicate damsel. You could kill a man with those toes. The stench alone could put a man in a coma." _

"_Fuck you, Jake." I put my feet back down. The soles were a dirty brown from the dust that covered the ground. _

"_We all know you won't be doing that," he answered with a chuckle. "I'm so glad that I'm not your boyfriend."_

_I stood and dusted myself off. "Because I won't put out?"_

"_Nah. It's because you boss me around and make me carry your laundry." Jake stood up and headed toward the small fridge in the corner. "That thing is like carrying bricks."_

"_It's how I smuggle booze into the dorm for you, asshole. You need to worship me for breaking the law and getting you beer." I watched him take out a solitary soda. "Yo Black, try to be a gentleman for once and get me a drink too."_

_My friend tossed a Coke at my head. I fumbled to catch it and it landed on the floor. Jacob laughed hard and grabbed another. He handed it to me and bowed. "I bestow to you this fine carbonated beverage, Queen of Fumble."_

"_Shut up." I glanced at my cut up hands from the wire I was trying to sculpt into a wise oak tree. Little, bloody lines made designs on my skin. "We are never going to get these things finished in a couple of hours."_

_Jacob wrapped his muscular arms around my shoulder. "Of course we are, annoying one. You and I make a kick ass team."_

_Pennsylvania had been good to me. This university, that was nestled in a small town surrounded by Amish farmlands and outlet malls, helped me find my center. My grades had improved tremendously with my rediscovered study habits. Instead of always searching for unattainable boys, I was now happy to just sit under a canopy of trees rereading great works of literature. Mary Shelly's monster was now my company on dark nights instead of living male monsters in ominous fraternity houses. Those places could be truly frightening._

_It wasn't as if I was a hermit. I went into Lancaster with Angela and her friends to go to the old movie theater. We'd watch John Cusack movies and swoon. There were poetry slams every weekend where I would go up and tell dirty limericks to get a laugh. Live music at the student center with Jacob on Thursday nights where I would mock his bad head banging skills. I had a full social life that lI didn't have to feel embarrassed by._

_Jacob was the best addition to my life. I never knew I wanted to have a little brother, but when I met the massive Native American boy I knew that he was it. He was the annoying, little brother I never wanted bothering me. Jake believed that we were probably siblings in another lifetime. Turtle siblings to be exact. My raven haired friend was an odd kid. It was always an enjoyable adventure with him around. _

_This was my life now. I had found peace when I was awake, but my dreams still were filled by Edward Cullen. _

"_Seth wants to ask you to have lunch with him at the Sunny Side Diner on Sunday," Jacob announced. He was fiddling with the head he was attempting to construct with cardboard, paper towel tubes. "You know how Seth is. He needed my big balls to ask you."_

_I glanced at Jacob curiously. Of all of Jacob's friends, Seth Clearwater was the quiet and studious one. A baseball cap always perched low over his eyes, his nose was buried in heavy books. I didn't know much about the guy, except that he was kind to those around him. He volunteered at the local soup kitchen. Seth Clearwater was perfectly nonthreatening. It would be comfortable and—_

"_I don't think so, Jacob. I'm flattered. Really. I just think I shouldn't." I cut my finger on the wire I was trying to trim. "Fuck! I should have made this thing out of tissues."_

_Jacob hit me in the head with a box of band-aids. "Don't get blood all over the studio. You need to stop the blood shed and meet a nice guy."_

"_I'm not a nun," I disagreed, as I wrapped a band-aid around my dripping wound. "I went for coffee with Angela's friend. His name was Scott or Sam. Maybe Jeff?"_

"_You don't remember the poor dude's name, Bell! Damn, you criticized everything about the poor guy." Jacob started using masking tape to create a hooked nose. "Rosie said that guy you used to like moved to Germany."_

"_Edward's doing study abroad." Alice had called me to tell me. It was better that he was in another country. He was single and so was I, but I needed to focus on my future. "Do you believe in fate, Jake?"_

"_Yeah. I guess." He chuckled. "I believe that I'm fated to be irresistible to all the ladies."_

_I rolled my eyes at him. "Seriously."_

"_Yes, Isabella Swan, I believe in fate. I also believe in the Loch Ness Monster."_

_That was a true fact. He was saving up to go to Scotland. _

_I rubbed my eyes. "I think that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. If things were meant to happen then they will."_

_If I ever saw Edward Cullen again, I was going to take my chance. I was going to rely on fate and hope to get me there. There were infinite possibilities in this world and I was planning on embracing them all._

"_You know . . . I will go to lunch with Seth as friends. You can never have too many of those," I told Jacob with a grin. _

_There was plenty of time for love, but a new friend couldn't wait._

XXXXXX

Edward stole a strawberry off my plate. He popped it in his mouth and looked at me wickedly.

"You still steal strawberries!" I shook my finger at him. "You're a naughty man, Edward Cullen."

He held up a blueberry at me. "These still your favorite?"

I smiled as he tossed it toward my mouth. It flew past my face.

"I see you still miss," he added. "Let's try this instead."

Edward placed a blueberry in my mouth. His fingers stroked my lips.

"I think I like this new way of eating, Edward." I grinned happily. Then pulled away to start eating my waffles. "I have an idea."

"Do tell, Miss Swan." Edward grabbed a piece of bacon and started to eat it. I wanted to lick his lips.

We were eating Florence's famous waffles at the Morning Glory Cafe. The place hadn't changed at all since we first started going there to nurse hangovers freshmen year. The wallpaper was still covered with tiny purple flowers and breakfast was served on paper plates. I watched as a blonde waitress slipped muffins to her friends. Rosalie did the same thing for us when she worked here.

"Let's clear the air about the past, so we can start fresh. This is the perfect time. The morning light streaming through the window. Hot cups of coffee waking us up." I rested my elbows on the table and placed my chin on my fists. "Let's start with Tanya."

He mimicked my pose. "Or we could start with Emmett?"

"Fine." I sat up tall with my head held up high. "I liked you, Edward Cullen, from the first time we met. I wasn't going to break up your relationship, so I decided being your friend would be enough. I didn't want to pine for you. Emmett came around and I thought the attention he gave me, the good and the bad, would help me get over you."

Edward's face still rested on his fists. His eyes bore into mine. "You were hanging out with him at the student center. Emmett. After that night we were together."

"The naked drawing night," I stated nodding. "It was an accidental meeting that time. I saw you and could have stopped talking to him, but I was mad. You were still with Tanya."

"No, I wasn't! We had broken up the day before. I just didn't want you to be the rebound when I was drunk. That night started out one of the best in my life and by the next morning everything was shit." He looked at me in frustration. "I was going to explain everything, but—"

I looked at him sadly. "Emmett?"

"He told me you two were dating," Edward explained. "I was told to back off."

"Emmett only dates his dick. It randomly sticks into holes that are quickly forgotten about. I'd learned my lesson long ago," I sighed. "There were moments Emmett would seemly want to reconnect while you were MIA, but it didn't go past kissing and watching _Friends_. I couldn't trust him with anything more. He was a distraction from you. It was a major crash and burn situation from the very beginning."

"I'm going to punch that asshole," Edward hissed, taking my hand. "I should have talked to you. I was going home on weekends to help with my grandmother."

I squeezed his fingers. "Ditto for me. So after that you got back together with Tanya."

"No. Who told you that?" Edward brushed a waffle crumb off the side of my mouth.

"Tanya." I moved my hands away to sip my coffee. The strong brew jolted me with new energy. "She kindly told me you were practically engaged."

He started laughing. "That little liar. She was always causing trouble. Those kids of hers are going to be evil. It serves her right. I'll have her call you and confess."

"Kids?"

"Twin boys. They are holy terrors. Poor Felix is sleep deprived," Edward explained. "Felix was my best friend in high school. He should have been the one with Tanya since the beginning. Those two are happy and complete. It's really great."

I had to smile. "Wow. That's great. So why didn't contact me after I transferred? Wait . . . I will fully accept blame for not contacting you. I relied on fate to bring us together."

"That's kind of dumb."

"I agree." I gave a shrug.

"Though I admit it worked out. The fate is happening now, so maybe it was inspired," he stated kissing my palm.

"No, it was dumb. We could have talked years ago if I called you." I took one of his blueberries.

He took one of my strawberries. "You see, cute berry thief, Rosalie told me you needed time to find yourself and I needed time to become great for you."

"What? She did?" I wanted to be angry, but Rose had a good point. I needed to transfer to another school. It was a great place that helped me discover a love of art and education. I needed to focus and find clarity. It was a place that allowed me to do that. "She's a smart lady."

"She is," he agreed. "I think we would have failed before now. We needed to grow up first."

We did. The fact that we were talking things through and not assuming was what should have happened years ago. Unfortunately, we were not in a place to do that back then. Now our future was wide open. I found it thrilling.

My phone beeped and I glanced at the screen. "Jacob is a dumb ass."

"Who's Jacob?"

"Friend, surrogate little brother, annoying gnat, and groom-to-be are a few names we could call him." I smiled at Jake's crazy message. "I'm Best Lady and he's freaking out about his bachelor party. Want to help me plan one and be my date?"

"Of course!" Edward exclaimed. His face was pure joy.

"You done, Edward?" I asked looking out of the window at the beautiful day.

He put his napkin on the table. "I'm all yours."

"Sir, let's go by the water and watch the rowers. We can kiss and you can help me plan this crazy mess for Jake." I stood and held out my hand.

"Your wish is my command, madam."

Our hands met and it felt like a perfect fit.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Hi there. **

**The band Guster has some shady boys in it. Just sayin'. **

Chapter 11

_I wasn't planning on coming to the Earth Day concert in the park. _

_Edward was sitting next to Tanya on a blanket near the stage. I could see her strawberry blonde curls shining as the sun hit the strands. It almost glowed. I wanted to shave it off of her. She'd be bald and the pretty tendrils would surround her feet. I would have an evil laugh. I was becoming a terrible person. _

_The sounds of the guitars and lone bongo player filled the air. It was jam band tunes by the bay and the twenty minute drum solos were grating on my last nerve. Almost every single band on the lineup was exactly the same. I wished for a pair of headphones to save my eardrums from rupturing from the Rusted Root covers. _

_I saw Tanya's hand rub Edward's back and then she whispered into his ear. Edward's laughter was drowned out by the dread locked lead singer, but the amusement on his face was plain to see. I glared in response. _

"_You should hang out after our set," the guy said. He was some guitarist friend of Tyler's who was in a band that was getting some play on college radio. He brushed his wild, red hair out of his face and tied it back with a grungy, hair elastic. The boy was cute, I guess. His neon, tie-dyed tee-shirt was making me dizzy. _

"_Huh?" I couldn't remember the kid's name. It was on the tip of my tongue, but could't be found in my brain._

_The kid gave me a wink. "We're going back to the motel and smoke up some good shit. I've got my own room."_

"_That's nice to have your own room. Do you guys usually share?" I asked, as I stared at Edward stand and wipe off his pants. It was so tempting to follow him like an eager puppy._

"_Occasionally. We like to have the option to bring back friends," he replied. I felt something touch my arm. I slapped it away thinking it was a fly. It was his fingers. _

"_Was there a bug on my arm?" I asked. He looked offended some reason, so I tried to be nicer. "It is always good to have friends."_

_He placed his fingers back on my upper arm. "Do you want to be my friend?"_

"_Sure." I had no idea where this conversation was heading, but I was certain I wasn't going to be pleased at the direction. _

"_The bed is really comfortable, friend." His smile turned predatory and Edward was escaping from view. _

_I removed his hand from my arm. "Is this your attempt to seduce me?"_

"_You like?"_

"_I don't, friend." I pointed toward the direction Edward was heading. "I need to see somebody about not having sex with you."_

_The no-name guy just continued smiling. "I'm in room 26."_

"_Have fun with that," I said unenthusiastically and rushed away. _

_I was pretty certain that the guy was already baked. I attracted losers like honey attracted flies._

_Following Edward wasn't as easy as I hoped. I sipped the beer I was hiding in a take-out cup that I grabbed from student center, as I looked around my in frustration. _

"_I've been looking for you everywhere," Alice announced. These past couple weeks have changed her. After the horrible experience at that fraternity dance, an inner tiger had emerged from her. Her long, dark hair was chopped off with a pair of my scissors that I used in sculpture class. What remained looked like sharp daggers that erupted from her scalp. Her music reflected her new look. Unfiltered and raw. "We need to leave. My ears are bleeding."_

"_I was just going to say hi to Edwa—"_

_Alice pulled me in the opposite direction. "Girl, he brought Barbie here. You don't need to deal with Edward Cullen today." _

"_We're friends. I can say hello to my friend, Ali," I stated pathetically. I knew how I sounded as soon as it came out of my mouth._

_I looked all around me and instead of Edward, I found Emmett staring at me. He took a deep breath and headed toward us. He wore a worn baseball cap on his head and his polo shirt was a deep maroon that looked good against his skin. He quietly said, "Can I talk to you, Swan?"  
_

_Swan. He called me by my last name. I was getting used to being called 'button'. There was an affection there when he called me that that I was certain he only felt for me and to no other. _

"_Just give me a minute, Alice." I followed him away from the music and the bands. His movements were quick and I found myself trying to keep up. _

_When we were far enough away, Emmett pulled off his hat and stared at me. He was taking in every inch of me in. Was this when he was going to declare himself? Had the Tin Man found his heart? Was this what I wanted? All I thought of was Edward, but—_

"_I can't hook up with you anymore. It's been fun, but you do relationships and I don't," he stated this with absolute certainty. _

"_Oh."_

_He could have just left it at that, but I guess it was more fun to add salt to the wounds. "Honestly, baby, I have a certain standard to uphold. A kind of girl that I usually date, which isn't—"_

"_Me."_

"_Well . . . Yeah. You're a great kid and all, but when it comes down to experience—" He tried to take my hand in some sick way of comforting me, but I was having none of it. _

"_Okay." I moved slightly and crossed my arms tightly over my chest. _

_Emmett watched me and waited. My feet felt cemented to the ground or I would have gone running far away from his words. I knew going into this that it could end badly. His cruelty had always been apparent to me, but I stumbled headfirst into his orbit even knowing his faults. I wondered if it was easier to be overlooked by Edward or have all my imperfections be pointed out by Emmett? Actually, it wasn't even a choice. Both options sucked ass._

"_You're a cute girl, but my usual type is beautiful women. You were a nice change, Swan, but when it comes down to it I need the type of girl I can take to fraternity functions. I have a reputation."_

_Of being an ass? Why did was he still talking? I got the memo. He didn't want me and I was some loser he was slumming it with. Message understood. I didn't need it on repeat. _

_I found movement in my legs again. One nod and I turned on my heel to leave. Emmett grabbed my arm and pulled me back. He demanded, "Where are you going?"_

"_I'm done with the conversation. I heard you loud and clear. Alice is waiting for me," I said. I tried to walk away again, but his grip tightened. _

_He pulled me to his chest. "I want to finish our conversation."_

"_You're kidding, right? You don't think I'm good enough and you're done with hanging out with me. Cool. I'm not going to spend any more time rehashing the many faults of Isabella Swan. I knew them already. If you wanted to stop talking to me then do it. Shit, I know my issues and don't need you to point them out."_

_Emmett looked frustrated. "I wasn't trying to be mean! I think we still can be friends."_

_My face felt hot and it wasn't because of the warmth of the day. Nearby I saw people dancing and singing along to the sounds of a drum circle. They were in a happy bubble of music and liquid relaxation. I envied that feeling. Every time I tried to surround myself in one of those bubbles it was popped and I felt myself free falling toward the ground. _

_My foot connected with his with force. He cried out, "What the fuck?"_

"_You will never be my friend, Emmett McCarty!" _

_He froze at my words and I ran. Weaving through crowds of sweaty dancers and the occasionally kissing couple, I wiped angry tears from my eyes using my arm. I didn't love Emmett McCarty. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I ever could trust myself to like him. If he was using me then I was using him too. The difference was that I would never intentionally make him feel horrible. Be his friend? He must be insane. _

_The worst part? Everything Emmett said was the truth. People used me, because I was nothing. What a bitter pill to swallow. _

_I was planning on going straight to Alice, but instead I headed to the boat house. It was quiet there and I knew I could think. The dock headed out into the water and a small part of me wanted to dive in to live with the mythological mermaids. Swimming through the waves and cavorting with dolphins would be the perfect life for me. Of course, my luck wasn't that great. There had to be some gorgeous and petty mermaid gunning for me. I would probably get tangled up in the seaweed. _

_I sat down on the hard wood of the dock and dangled my feet in the cool water. The sounds of the concert was fainter here and stared at the clouds that looked like pillows of cotton. Seagulls flew up and then dived into the slow waves. The ducks swam lazily, occasionally ducking under the water looking for something to munch on. I was surrounded by nature and it was giving me some comfort in the quiet beauty of it. _

"_You've been crying." Edward was rolling up the legs of his jeans. He plopped down next to me and his feet joint mine in the water. Our thighs touched and I felt like my skin was burning. _

_The boy could make a simple, blue tee-shirt look sinful. I could stare at him all day. _

"_Allergies," I lied. "Things are blooming."_

"_Bella, I know you." He linked his pinky with mine. _

_A simple touch broke my heart into pieces. _

_I ignored his words and fixed my gaze on a pair of mallard ducks. Perfectly mated, they swam in an easy companionship. I wondered if they had a nest of little ducklings nearby._

_Edward tightened his finger. "I know we haven't been talking as much lately."_

"_You don't know me. God, I don't even know me anymore," I admitted more to myself than to him. "It's hard not being enough. I'm really tired of it."_

"_Bella, you've always been enough." Edward placed his hand on my chin and turned my face to his. I let out a humorless laugh at his words. He continued, "What the hell happened?"_

"_No biggie, Edward. Just coming to grip with some things." I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the feeling of his touch for a moment, before it disappeared. A moment of pretending that he would be mine. I opened my eyes and saw his mouth close to mine. It was like he wanted to kiss me. It was something he only did when he was drunk. "You should find Tanya. She's visiting you and it's rude to leave her alone."_

"_Tanya can fend for herself," he told me. His face came closer. I wanted him to kiss me, but he was attached. He was probably just going to wipe away a stray eyelash from my cheek and I was going to feel like an even bigger fool. _

_I moved my body away quickly and stood up almost propelling myself off the dock. "Alice needs me." _

"_Bella!" He called out. "We need to—"_

_I knew he was going to say talk. I had enough talking today. More pointing out my faults? No thanks. _

"_We'll talk later." I gave a wave and headed away from his frown. There was a bottle on Boone's Farm waiting for me to drink and wallow into oblivion._

XXXXXX

The sun beat down on me as I sunned myself on the dock. I could hear the coxswain calling orders out to the rowers practicing in their boat on the water. I remembered my days on the team when I was usually the one being yelled at. My rowing skills weren't the best. I found myself daydreaming on the boat instead of pulling my weight and helping my fellow rowers propel the vessel to victory.

Edward's fingers played with my hair. My head was resting in his lap. My mind was wavering between being insanely comfortable and thinking dirty thoughts about the man I was using as a pillow.

"So I was thinking—" He began.

I smiled up at him. "That's what brains are usually used for, Mr. Cullen."

He rolled his eyes at me and leaned down to kiss the tip of my nose. "Thanks for the explanation, smart ass. I had an idea that I wanted to explore with you."

"A sexual idea or one of philosophical discussion? We can discuss the works of Ibsen or perhaps dive into analyzing the painting of Caravaggio. This campus atmosphere has made my brain like a sponge for knowledge."

"You're silly today," Edward pointed out with a grin. "I love silly Bella."

He said love and I thought my smile had grown so big that my face would break from it.

"I'm happy," I admitted.

I was lowered off his lap and my head landed gently onto the dock. Edward's body hovered over mine. His fingers stroked my every inch of my face. It felt like he was trying to make sure I was real. "Because of me?"

"Yes." My answer spurred him to kiss me. It was passionate and all consuming. My hands clenched the fabric of his shirt so I could pull him closer to me. I wanted every inch of us to touch under the summer sun.

We kissed like young teenagers discovering romance for the first time. The touching was innocent, but seductive in light strokes of skin on arms, necks, and faces. It was simple, but still a powerful, physical romantic declaration.

He pulled away slightly. "We are going to scandalize the natives."

"We should be good, shouldn't we?" I wanted to hold him to me forever, but I knew that it wasn't a possibility. We were older now and we knew how to behave. Sometimes. "Sit-up, handsome, and tell me your plan."

We sat up together and Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "I was thinking after we hung out with everybody we could stay off campus tonight."

"Together? In a bed that isn't an uncomfortable, extra long twin bed? Actually, tonight I was supposed to sleep on an air mattress. I pulled the short straw." The ideas in my head of a bed and Edward were making me excited, but understandably nervous.

"I wouldn't want to ruin your fun evening on an air mattress," he said with a chuckle. "Forget about it."

I punched him gently on the knee. "No take backs, Edward! I thought all the rooms in the town were taken? That's the only reason I'm squatting in the dorms."

I wasn't an actual graduate of the school, so I was snuck into events and into friends' rooms for my visit. It was kind of fun being sneaky at my age.

"Jeff and his wife have to head back to New Haven. Their kid came down with the chicken pox and they're rushing home. They offered me their room for the night." He winked at me. "I thought it would be best to share."

"With all of us? Alice likes to snuggle. I feel warning you is the nicest option," I teased.

Edward didn't look amused. "Only you, sweetheart."

"Is this our sexual last hurrah?" I asked to clarify. I knew the answer, but sometimes I felt like all of this was too good of a dream. I was so worried that I was going to wake up alone again without him.

"This is our romantic beginning, oh negative one." He rubbed his lips on my forehead. "How can I get you to believe me?"

"Never disappear."

He murmured into my head. "Never. You can't push me away again."

"Should we head back to campus? There's a sad looking carnival near the student union." I wanted to show what I felt for Edward to the world. Our happiness and hands clasped tightly together in front of friends, old and new.

Edward helped me stand up and placed his hands on my hips. "You just want me to win you a stuffed bear at the games. You know those things are rigged, right?"

My arms went around his neck and I felt so much joy that I thought I might explode. "They had giant pink ones at the game where you hit the bottles with a ball. We should also get popcorn and go on the Ferris Wheel!"

"You are so fucking adorable," he said. Edward's eyes were dancing. "Can we make-out on the rides?"

"It's a must! You should also sing something from _Grease_ to me in the funhouse, Danny Zuko style with a leather jacket that I know you've been hiding from me." I was having some crazy fantasies come to my mind. Most of them starred Edward only wearing a leather jacket.

He laughed at me. "You're a nutty, girl."

My heart was beating madly.

Over his shoulder, I saw a couple kissing under a tree. It was lovely and the way the man was caressing the woman was so very gentle. They looked familiar and as I squinted to see, I realized who they were. "Jamie is kissing Rosie!"

Edward kept his hands around me and shuffled us around so he could see. "About damn time. Jamie has been in love with her forever."

"You knew? I always thought he liked Ali in the old days."

"As a friend and I think Alice loves the attention Whitlock has been giving her all these years. She would never think of Jamie like that when Jasper is following her around like a sad dog. James has his heart set on Rosalie Hale. Good for him," Edward said.

I added, "Good for Rosalie too. She deserves to feel love."

He pulled me into a tight hug. "I think love is in the air, sweetheart."

I couldn't agree more.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: This was tough to write. My mother passed away in March, but we had some issues. This story is about helping me look at my past. The good and the bad. **

**Thanks for reading.**

Chapter 12

"_Miss Swan, I had you come in concerning your unpaid tuition payments," Dr. Sawyer explained to me. I felt like a very confused child being chastised for a crime I didn't commit. _

_The Dean of Students had kind, blue eyes as she regarded me from her seat behind her cluttered desk. Her hair pulled up into a bun and held in a place with a pen stuck in the middle that made her look a bit flustered and absent minded. She pushed her bifocals up from where they were slipping down her nose. There was a good possibility that this was all a big mistake. _

"_I'm sure my parents—" I began to say, but she shook her head sadly at me. _

_Dr. Sawyer tapped a pile of papers that rested on a manila folder. "Haven't paid any of this semester's tuition. I'll need it or you will be asked to pack up your things and go home."_

"_This must be a mistake." Oh God, all my dreams were crashing around me. They would have told me if there was a problem sending the check. "My parents must have paid. Maybe it got lost in the mail or there could have been in an issue at the Bursar's Office."_

_There was a look of sympathy on the face of the woman, but no budging in her opinion on the matter of my unpaid tuition. "There isn't a mistake."_

"_What can I do to fix this?" I clutched my sweaty fingers together and blinked away tears._

_She smiled sympathetically at me. "Would you like to call your parents? We can have them wire some money to the Bursar or they can give them a credit card number. How about you call them from here and I'll give you a few minutes of privacy." _

_She moved her phone over to me and left the room quietly, shutting the door behind her. My fingers shook as I tried to dial the number to my house. It took me three attempts until I finally pressed the correct numbers. I felt tears finally slip from my eyes, as I listened to the ringing of the phone. _

_It had to be a mistake. _

_What if they don't pick up and I have to leave school? _

_The ringing continued. My head began to pound._

_Finally, my mother's breathless voice answered, "Swan, residence."_

"_Mom?"_

"_Bella . . . oh hi, honey! I was doing laundry. You still coming home this weekend?" Mom sounded hopeful. "I was thinking we can go shopping at the outlets."_

"_I might be coming home sooner than you think," I muttered, as I wiped tears from my eyes using my sleeve. _

_My mother didn't reply right away. "What are you talking about?"_

"_I'm in the Dean's office, Mom. They're going to kick me out, because my tuition hasn't been paid." I was struggling to stay calm. I sniffed loudly into the receiver. _

"_Oh." That was her only answer. _

"_Oh? Mom, they are going to make me leave school! I'll have no degree! Nothing!" My voice growing louder with each word._

_She whispered harshly, "It wouldn't be the worst thing to happen, Isabella. Come home and apply to start at community college this summer. You can always transfer to a state school nearby in the fall and major in something sensible."_

"_Mom—"_

"_It was your decision to go that school," she pointed haughtily. "We knew it was going to be a stretch financially. We need a new shed for the backyard. The extra money we save can pay for it. I made a choice not to pay for it anymore." _

"_You stopped paying on purpose! Why did you let me go here?" _

_I heard my father's voice in the background, "Renee, is that Bells?"_

"_Yes, Charlie, she's just telling me about one of her classes," my mother replied sweetly. It was jarring the way she could lie so easily. "We can go to Home Depot in a few minutes. Just let me wrap this up."_

"_He doesn't know, Mom? What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked. I was shaking in rage, my voice quivering. "You should have told me. I had no clue what was going on. I feel like an idiot."_

"_You can pack up your things and I'll come and pick you up. We can tell your father that you missed being home," she said this as if it was the most practical thing in the world. _

_Home? My mother threw me under a fucking bus? There was no way I could go back._

_I clutched the receiver in a death grip. "I'm staying here. I'll figure it out myself."_

"_With what money?"_

"_I have savings." There was a piece of plastic in my pocket that sang to me to use it. A line of credit that would solve all my problems. I was Alice about to go down the rabbit hole of debt. The only thing that gave me comfort was that I saved money from working all summer. It would help pay things off at least a little. A dent in an oppressive number. I still had other needs for money. My brain filled with worry. I was completely cut off. _

"_Stop being silly and come home. This is ridiculous! You're turning into a snob at that school! Use that brain of yours for once, Isabella!" _

_I hated her for doing this to me. _

"_When you stop being a bitch," I hissed. It just tumbled out of my mouth. I didn't care if I hurt her. _

_The other side of the line went silent for a moment, but finally she said, "I'm your mother. You will not speak to me that way."_

"_You are nothing to me right now. I just . . . I will pay for my own tuition. Don't worry about it or me. I won't be coming home." My heart hardened against her that day. I was sure it would never melt. _

_She didn't say anything. There was complete silence. _

"_Don't worry about Dad finding out. He'd probably be happy that I'm being responsible and paying for school myself. I know how much he hates how much this place costs."_

_Still nothing from my mother. _

_I didn't say good-bye. It wasn't worth the effort. I hung up the phone quietly. Sitting in the chair, I wept quietly._

"_Bella, dear, are you okay?"_

_Dr. Sawyer came up and placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. _

_I smiled through the tears and I pulled out my credit card. "I can pay with this." _

_Trembling, I held it out to her. _

_Dr. Sawyer took it and read the name. "Bella, is this your credit card?"_

"_Yes, I will be taking care of my tuition now." I looked at my knees. "I need to find a job, I guess."_

_She squeezed my hand. "My friend runs the bookstore. I can get you a job there."_

_I hugged her tightly. "Thank you!"_

"_I going through what you are when I was in school," Dr. Sawyer admitted. "I understand. Let's get your tuition taken care of." _

_The woman's gentle smile warmed my broken heart. It was lovely to find a kind person when you felt like your world was crumbling. _

_Thirty minutes later, I was heading back to the dorms. The weight of the world on my shoulders. Here's the thing that I discovered. Your parents are your first loves. They feed, clothe you, and make you feel like you're the most perfect thing in the world. In return, you put them on a pedestal. As you grow, it changes. The imperfections begin to show. The cracks in the perfect finish you imagined start to become more apparent, until you see the real person that lies underneath. A person that has beliefs and prejudices that you had ignored. All their faults are fully on display. My mother showed me her true colors today. I didn't know if I could ever forgive her. _

"_Hey! Bella, wait up?" I turned to Edward's voice instinctively. I couldn't help myself. He took my arm. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing." I wanted this day to be over. I had a box of macaroni and cheese in my room and I was planning on gorging on it. _

_Edward frowned. "Did that asshole do anything to you?"_

"_Emmett McCarty? No, because I find it insulting that my bad moods are always deemed to be caused by some guy." I took out my ire toward my mother on him. "I'm not that much of a loser."_

"_I'm trying to be here for you!" _

_A sharp laugh came out of me. "No one is here for me, Edward! I'm all on my own. Fuck! She was so cruel! You take care of your kids, right? They should be first! God, I hate her right now."_

_I crumbled in ugly crying and clutched my stomach. I felt sick. _

_Edward pulled me into his arms and let me cry. Tears for the loss of childhood innocence and the uncertainty of my future. _

XXXXXX

It was a night full of laughter with friends and giddy nervousness over what was possible tonight with Edward. We were all at Andy's again. There was a comfort about this place. It was my favorite hangout, because I was always safe here.

I glanced over to where Alice was sitting off to the side with Jasper. He was trying to get in all of our good graces. Alice was mocking him and he took it with a smile. He looked at her like she hung the moon and the stars. I still hated the guy.

Edward noticed my glare. "If you stare hard enough there is a possibility that he'll burst into flames."

"Promise? I would love to see a crispy Jasper."

"He isn't that bad," Edward said with a strung. "He was always the nicest guy in that frat. Did you know that he did defend her?"

"Bullshit." I saw her after the fact. The mascara running down Alice's face from her tears. The look of embarrassment and pain that filled her face. I could only try to hug away her sadness.

"Maybe you should talk to him and see what his intentions are? I heard that's why he quit the fraternity. He was angry at what they did to Alice. It makes him a little bit of better man in my estimation," Edward said thoughtfully. "That dick stayed though."

I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Emmett is the King of the Dicks. I wouldn't think he would do something out of the kindness of his heart."

"You want to get out of here?" Edward gave me an eyebrow wiggle. It wasn't exactly seductive, but more adorable and cute.

"I'm just going the bathroom before we go." My goal was to try and calm down before heading back to the inn with Edward. My nerves were at an all time high. I wanted the night to be close to perfect.

He gave me a kiss before I stood and I could tell be the look he gave me that he might be slightly nervous too.

I had barely made it into the bathroom, when Emmett followed me in.

"Hey, button," he greeted me. His dimples were full in effect tonight.

My face was made of stone. "This is a woman's bathroom."

"I figured by the picture on the door." They way he looked at me was full of glee. I wanted to punch him. He angled his body in front of the door and locked it. "Can we talk?"

"Not in here! Have you not heard of boundaries, McCarty? I have no idea what your deal is, but I don't care. You made it perfectly clear about your feelings for me years ago." I headed toward the toilet as if I was planning on using it. My true intention for coming in here was to just rinse my face to calm myself down before getting intimate with Edward. I wanted to appear to be a confident lover, not a giggling school girl. "You need to leave so I can go to the bathroom."

He chuckled darkly. "I would love to watch. I seem to recall sneaking off into bathrooms with you before, baby."

I was pissed. Whipping my body around, I got into his face and started poking him in the chest. "I need you to get something straight, Emmett. I'm not some game. You're an asshole. I hate—"

My thoughts concerning how much I detested him were stopped when he lifted me up and placed me on the sink with my back against the mirror. His hands held my hips in place as I squirmed and Emmett's lips hovered over mine.

"Quiet down, little girl, and listen to me. I haven't made many mistakes in my life. I'm pretty fucking perfect, if I do say so myself. Until you came around and made me doubt myself. Bella, you haunt my goddamn dreams with that button nose and big, brown eyes. I want you." He rubbed his nose against mine. "I want you in my bed and at fucking family dinners at Christmas. I changed, button. You changed. We are so much better together."

"I want to be with Edward," I hissed at him.

Emmet smiled slightly, "Bullshit."

His mouth attacked mine fiercely, as I tried to move away. I used to like his intensity in the past, but now I just wanted the touch of Edward.

There was only one thing I could do.

"Fuck! Damn it, Bella!" He screamed.

I bit him so hard it drew blood.

"I'm not interested in you, Emmett!" I went to the door and unlocked it.

There was one more thing I needed to do. I turned and walked back to him. Emmett looked at me with blood dripping from his mouth. He said darkly, "Going to kiss it all better?"

I took my knee and rammed it into his groin. His eyes watered and he collapsed on the ground.

"You should _never_ lock women in bathrooms, asshole," I hissed watching him squirm in pain.

He looked up at me crying. "I see in your hate that you still love me."

What?

I threw my hands in there air. "You are the picture of delusional!"

He called to me as I stomped out and I ran straight into Edward's chest. Edward pulled me back slightly. "What happened in there?"

"I made Emmett cry. It felt great!" I felt a rush of power.

Edward cupped my face. "Did he hurt you?"

"I hurt him! He kissed me and I bit him! There was blood!" I squealed happily. I pushed Edward against the wall. "I want to make love to you now, Edward Cullen."

I felt him stiffen. "Is it because of what happened with McCarty? If you need to prove—"

I shut him up with my mouth. I poured all my feelings into kissing him. My hands cupped his ass.

"Whoa," he whispered, as I pulled my face away slowly. My breasts were still pressed to him.

"Edward Cullen, I want only you. You were going to get ravaged no matter if Emmett was here are not. The only thing that was made perfectly clear to me tonight was how much I think you might be perfect." I caressed his butt. He sighed in content.

"I'm not perfect, but I want to be for you." He kissed me again. His body felt relaxed against mine. "I want to make love to you."

I giggled and teased, "In the hallway?"

We started kissing harder and Edward's fingers traveled under my shirt. The tips of his fingers traced shaped onto my bare skin. I felt them sneak in the cups of my bra. He stroked my breasts and panted heavily until he pulled away reluctantly.

"I think I need to get you to a bed, girl." Edward picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Sneak out the back?" I motioned toward the back exit with my head.

"I like the escape route idea." He nibbled my ear and I squirmed because it tickled. That's when we heard Emmett's groan from the bathroom. "What the hell did you do to him?"

I kissed up Edward's neck. "I brought the pain."

"That's so hot."

I couldn't agree more.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Memories are interesting. They are completely your own perception of an event. In real life, people aren't mind readers. You'll never get the full story on your own. It has a way of leading to anger and misunderstandings. **

**Sometimes, you never get the chance to find out. You never think it's too late, until it is. **

**Thanks for reading. **

Chapter 13

_"I can't, Ty. My mom and I are going to the outlets then out to lunch. It should be fun." I played with a piece of lettuce on my plate._

_He gave me a searching look._

_Don't get me wrong, I love getting together with Tyler. The problem is that he calls me on my shit. _

"_I'm glad, Bells," he said, before taking a large bite out of his tuna melt. Chewing slowly, Tyler continued to stare at me thoughtfully. _

_I stabbed a tomato with my fork. "Just say it."_

"_Have you talked to her about your feelings?" That man should have a degree in therapy. He could make your mind explore the unexpected. It could be really annoying, but I could see why he was such a good teacher. Those kids probably opened up immediately about all their issues. _

"_My mom?" We were sitting outside at this little cafe. The sun was shining brightly and like a fool I stared into it. "Our family has a way of ignoring issues. We blow up and forget about it. Actually, I blow up and then forget it. "_

"_Forgive?"_

"_Maybe?" I shrugged. "I keep thinking about the way I saw things. I feel like I might not know the whole story, but feel more righteous in my anger when I assume what's going on. That's terrible! I'm an awful person!"_

_I closed my eyes and thought about the stress that seemed to always surround my mother. The days that she would stare out the window with a cigarette held lightly between her fingers. Ash would be growing long as she gazed out the window at the bird feeder. Mom looked like there was a sadness in her that I didn't understand. _

"_You aren't terrible! It makes us human, girl! The flaws are in all us. This includes your mom. It might give you both some peace to find out what happened." He squeezed my hand that was still trying to destroy the tomato's red flesh. "I'm not saying it wasn't what you thought."_

"_I know. I agree with you that we need to clear the air. I was so upset that I could have read anything into what was happening or maybe I was right. At the most odd moments, I wonder what was happening on the other end of the line. One day I was at the grocery store and staring at the yogurts in the dairy aisle, and all of a sudden I thought about that call. Could there have been money issues I was being shielded from? Did she miss me and was that the way Mom handled it?" _

_Tyler shook his head. "I'm not a mind reader, lady. There is only one person who can explain it. Talk to her! I've met your mom. She loves you. I could even see that when we first met. Discover the truth and make up your mind after that."_

_I promised myself that we would sit down and have a long talk when I was ready. I didn't want a fight, but a conversation that was honest and full of growth. There was plenty of time. _

"_How did you get so smart?" I asked him, as I took an onion ring off of his plate. _

"_Girl, I was born this way! That's why my Kim said yes to this fine piece of man." He gave me a cheeky smile. "New plan. How about you come to dinner on Saturday?"_

"_Please tell me this isn't another set-up, Tyler! I appreciate it, but I like the simplicity of my life right now." I didn't want to be thrown into another uncomfortable blind date._

_Tyler ignored me. "His name is Brady. He teaches music. Kim thinks he might be your soul mate."_

"_There's no such thing." I had lost the dream of that all-encompassing feeling long ago. I tried to soften my words by adding, "Your relationship with Kim is the exception."_

"_Is this about Edward Cullen? You should call him." Tyler held out his phone. "Just dial information and get your man."_

_He was delusional today. I pushed the cell phone back at him. "That ship has sailed."_

_Tyler was silent, but the look on his face revealed everything. He thought I was full of shit, but was too much of a gentleman to say anything. _

"_You going to the reunion?" He finally asked. _

"_Nope. I didn't graduate from there. Jacob is going to be my annoying date for my actual reunion. We are going to get tipsy and make fun of the underclassmen." I looked out into the street as cars slowly drove by._

"_Yes, you are," Tyler said with a laugh. "Alice said she's sneaking you in."_

"_We're adults. I'm not going to sneak into a party that I don't belong at." _

_There was no way that I would go back there. It was a place that was my greatest hits of stupidity. The memories would coming back when I just wanted to forget. There's a safety for my heart in forgetting. _

"_You might miss out of something great," Tyler said sagely. _

_I seriously doubted it. _

XXXXXX

It starts with a touch.

His hands stroking down my arms before pulling of my shirt. The silkiness of the fabric glides up my skin and proceeds to fall by feet onto the floor. With deft fingers the hook on the back of my simple, white bra becomes unattached. My breasts are cupped and his mouth finds it's way to worship them with gentle tastes.

One button. Two buttons. Three buttons. My body trembled, as I attempted to unclothe him. There was so much emotion coursing through my veins due to the fantasy becoming a reality. Too much, but not even close to enough.

"It's okay." It was said in a whisper. "I have you. I always will."

My answers were a flurry of kisses on his soft skin. The hair there tickled my nose and made me giggle. He answered with a grin that turned to a moan. My tongue was make circles around his nipple.

The rest of our clothing didn't remain on us very long. Bare flesh connected like magnets. We needed to get closer and closer.

How we ended up on the bed was a mystery. Our lips were dancing on each other and tongues winding together as we leaned against the door, my eyes closed as I was lost in the sensation.

When I opened them, I was pinned underneath him with my head on the pillow. Our breath was ragged, I squeezed his back.

"I dreamed of this," I admitted. "I could feel you against me, but when I woke up there was nothing. Those dreams wrecked me."

"I wonder if we had them the same time," he moved stray hairs away from my face. "You are even more beautiful in reality."

The heat I felt in my cheeks traveled over the rest of me like a rushing river, as his fingers stroked and entered gently. I felt like I was being propelled through the rough, exciting waters and off a waterfall.

His movements were like a dancer. I followed his lead with a stroke, a squeeze, and a kiss.

"We can stop if you want," he said. He nibbled my ear playfully. "We can go as slow as you want."

"I think we've waited long enough. I think this courtship of ours has been starting and stopping for years. I want this and you." I gripped his hair to bring his face close.

"For how long?"

"Forever, Edward."

Forever could be reality, if only—

"Forever, Bella."

He entered me with new found purpose. Our movements were not the feverish thrusting of the first throes of desire and need. Instead, they were slow pushes that built to an unparalleled intimacy found in making love. My eyes searched his. His lips gravitated to mine. Our climax built slowly as my hands gripped his shoulders. He held my hips tightly.

We came undone and anchored ourselves to the other.

Edward said into my hair, as his fingers twisted into my sweaty locks. "So this is what love feels like."

It felt that way to me.

XXXXXX

My body was pressed against my car. Edward kissed me like the world was ending.

I sighed into his mouth and pulled away slowly. "I should head back home. I have meetings about the new school year to get ready for."

"I just got you, Bella. I don't want to let you go." He pressed his forehead on mine. "Let's get some lunch first. We both gotta eat."

"You have to meet that realtor about an apartment this afternoon." I closed my eyes. "The real world has a way of ruining things."

"Not us and not this time. Real life will not destroy what's happening here." Edward whispered. "Open your eyes, sweetheart."

Green met brown. I saw my future in them.

Edward continued, "I'll call you tonight."

"You don't have to." I was so used to protecting my heart that it was instinctual.

"I'll call you tonight," he repeated. Edward moved away slowly. "Get going, pretty thing. The sooner you go, the sooner I can set up a date with you."

"Edward—"

He kissed me with all the passion in the world.

"Go before I glue you to me." He opened the door and I got in slowly. Tears started to pool in my eyes as the door shut. Through the window, he took his fingers and made a heart on his chest.

I made one in return, before starting the car.

Pulling away, tears streamed down my face. In the rearview mirror, I thought I saw him wipe a tear away too.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thank you all for reading. **

Chapter 14

"_I think today might be one of the better ones," Alice announced with a grin. She skipped into my classroom with her guitar case. _

_I looked up from where I was placing paint brushes on one of the small tables for my students. Her dark hair and outfit stood out among the bright yellow walls of my classroom decorated in joyful drawing by my little artists. "Happy to hear it, Ali. Thanks for going goth light today for the kids. Only half will think you're a witch."_

"_I should cackle evilly and scare them." Alice gave me a wink. She plopped down in the tiny chair at the table I was setting up. "Can I play the kiddies some Megadeath?"_

"_Keep it classical, woman." I headed to the closet and took out a large package of paper. Alice was helping me introduce the use of music to spur creativity in painting. I just needed to make sure that she kept it child-friendly. _

_Alice was still grinning. It was so odd to see her really happy. She pointed out, "The fact that you're a teacher is weird, dude. It works, but it's really weird. I like it!"_

"_Be helpful and put these in front of each chair.__" __I handed her the paper. "Why are you so sunny today? I should paint your clothing with happy yellows."_

"_I had a breakthrough at therapy, Bella darling! I talked to my therapist about the time that Riley took me to that god awful party. They laughed at me and I felt like I was nothing, you know? Jasper didn't laugh. I remembered that too."_

_That party was disgusting. I heard that the dreadful fraternity was finally on probation. If that school had any sense, they would shut it down. Unfortunately, those former fraternity members were now donors and money always trumps doing the right thing. _

"_He should have said something. Instead, Whitlock completely wimped the heck out. He's a jerk head." I spat._

"_Interesting use of words you have there, Swan."_

"_Little ears could be wandering the halls," I explained. "Remember to use appropriate words, Ali."_

_She stuck out her tongue at me. Her maturity was questionable this morning. _

_I continued, "Are you forgiving Jasper now?"_

"_Hell no, but I realized that he wasn't some fuc . . . Fudging villain like Royce King. Royce deserves all the voodoo dolls in the world and I hope he's making the perfect girlfriend for a tattooed convict named Big Bubba. Jasper just deserves me mocking him to his face." She had a strange, wistful look on her face. "Remember the first time he tried to apologize?"_

"_He was naked. It isn't something a girl would forget." I must admit I still had dreams about it. I think we all did. _

_It was May Day. The time where clothes were shed and the school became a nudist colony for the day, much to the professors' chagrin. Drinking started early and parties were naked, bacchanal orgies. It was pretty hilarious to watch, because after one skinny dipping experience, I was done with showing skin. It wasn't worth the stress. _

_Instead, I sat with Alice and Rosalie at the café in the student center. We gorged on grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries which were most decidedly unfriendly foods for nakedness. __  
_

_Rose spit out a mouthful of her food onto the wooden table as some of the lacrosse team ran next to us. They were only wearing their helmets and were sporting two sticks. Only one of which had a net attached. _

_One of the boys stopped to our mortification. The helmet was removed to reveal Jasper Whitlock who began begging Alice for his forgiveness. _

_Ali's answer was pouring her soda over his head and stomping out of the building. It was in that moment that she found her voice. It was loud and it was strong. _

"_My therapist thinks he was using nudity to express that he has nothing to hide." Alice started tuning her guitar. "Maybe."_

"_Maybe or he was drunk and it gave him liquid courage for more than streaking around the campus." I gave a shrug and added, "Your therapist is a bit of a nut."_

_Alice laughed and her fingers danced over the strings of her instrument in a happy, little ditty that made me tap my toes. She sang, "I agree. Helen is a nutty doc!"_

_The music stopped abruptly. Alice's face wrinkled up in thought. Finally, she spoke, "Jasper doesn't need my forgiveness as much as someday I'll need to forgive him for me. I probably will never tell him. If I see him again it might be more fun to torment him. Do you think you can forgive Edward or Emmett?"_

"_Or Royce?" I asked. Rosalie and I had a lot of late night talks about that monster. We would sit on her couch covered in blankets and eating popcorn. Jazz music playing from Rosie's old stereo and just converse about our feelings concerning being hurt. We were still struggling with trying to be the better people._

"_Fuck that shit! The asshole needs to fry," Alice spat in anger. _

_I covered my hand over her mouth. "Watch your words!"_

"_Sorry," she mumbled in my hand. _

_I pulled it away slowly. "I agree that I don't think I'll ever forgive Royce."_

"_Edward? Emmett?"_

_Leaning against a table, I thought about the nature of forgiveness. It was so long ago and we were all so young. Young and stupid kids pretending to be so very adult, but acting like mindless children. I hoped that I could put the past behind me and start fresh with both men in a platonic way. I knew that if I saw either one again it wouldn't be easy. _

_Before I could answer, there was a loud chime that rang out through the halls and the giggling of small children filled the air. _

_Saved by the bell._

XXXXXX

The first call was in the early evening the day I got home.

Edward wasn't wasting time. His wooing was going full speed.

The dress I wore was simple and the skirt flew out as I spun around in it. I was spinning through the house in my nervousness and feeling dizzy. The dizziness wasn't due to my movements, but thoughts of seeing Edward. I was giddy at the idea of his arms back around my waist and his lips being pressed to mine.

I instantly stopped and looked down at myself. Where was this silliness coming from? Play it cool, Swan.

"_What are you doing tomorrow night?" He asked. I could listen to his voice forever, but I missed his face. _

"_Laundry and beer." I couldn't help grinning as I teased him. "I like to fold my panties, while wearing only a negligee. If I'm really wanting an exciting night, I write lesson plans wearing a thong."_

_I looked down at my dirty sweatshirt I wore while scrubbing the counters and couldn't help the snort that came out._

_Edward's voice sounded deeper. "I wouldn't mind watching that."_

"_I wouldn't mind giving you a show, but I usually wear grungy tee-shirts and old basketball shorts that's waistband is giving out. I'm not sure that's the sexist thing."_

"_I disagree, Miss Swan. I find the vision in my head to be smoking hot," Edward disagreed. _

_My face turned red at his words. I felt like a teenager again, but I refused to act like one. "Ha, ha, ha, Cullen. Want to help me clean the toilets?"_

"_I'll pass on that. However, can I persuade you to skip the domestic chores and join me on an adventure? I miss you." His offer made me grin bigger and blush more intensely. _

"_An adventure? Are you planning on seducing me?" One could only hope. _

_He chuckled. "I plan on wooing. Dress in whatever you like." _

"_A cape covered in pictures of kittens?" I asked. My body was shaking slightly, because of the excitement I was feeling. _

"_That's just crazy talk, woman. Be ready at six."_

There was a triple knock at the door and it was that time.

Deep breath. Smooth skirt down. Chill out.

I opened the door and there he stood looking handsome in a striped shirt and jeans. There was a bouquet of daisies in his hand. "Hey there, gorgeous."

Forget acting relaxed. Instead, I kissed him hard. The flowers were crushed between our bodies.

Finally, Edward pulled away. "My favorite kind of greeting! Pretty lady, I've missed you!"

"As you can tell, I feel the same way." I ran my fingers through his hair.

He pressed his forehead to mine. "Honey, tonight is going to be magic."

I believed every word.

XXXXXX

The first thing that hit me as Edward led me toward the stage in the park was the trees covered in little, twinkling, white lights. Edward carried a picnic basket and the blanket. I held onto him. Our hands swung happily as we walked.

"It's enchanting!" I exclaimed, as we stopped to put down our blanket. Each of us had a side and we spread it out as a team.

Edward pulled me down with him. "It's Midsummer Night's Dream they're performing. It better be."

"Would you like some wine?" He asked in a stage whisper, as he pulled out a thermos. "We are going incognito with this stuff."

"You're a bad boy, Cullen." I took a swig and swished it in my mouth. After I swallowed, I gave my critique. "The steel of the thermos complements the sweet lilac aftertaste of the zinfandel."

"You're drinking Pinot Grigio." He pulled me against his chest. I sat in-between his legs and felt cocooned in his embrace.

"Well . . . Shit." I felt his body shake as he laughed at my words. I moved slightly and pulled out a bag that was peeking out of the basket. "You brought cheese puffs!"

"Only the messy best for my lady." He kissed my ear and whispered, "I also brought your beloved peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. I can't wait to lick the cheesy and sticky mess off you later."

"Edward Cullen, you treat me like a queen." I went back into his arms and watched as people joined us on the field. There were happy smiles and tender kisses all around us. "So many couples here tonight."

Edward ran a finger up and down my arm. "The romance of Shakespeare is in the air. I don't think there would be so much loving going on during Titus Andronicus."

"Blood, revenge and eating your enemies is a mood killer, Edward," I pointed out. "I think people come to Midsummer for the comedy. Seeing a guy with the head of an ass is hilarious."

"What about the romance between the main characters?"

I looked at his grave face. "The whole story is a crazy love jumble that has fairies playing games with the mere mortals. I want to strangle Helena."

"Why?"

"She's just so needy. Helena reminds me of the way I used to be. So obsessed with Demetrius when he won't give her the time of day." I thought back to the past. The worrying about what he thought of me and the melancholy of seeing him with another.

Edward asked quietly, "Emmett?"

"You, goof ball," I answered and tapped his nose.

His lips pressed to mine and we kissed under the lights.

Pulling away slightly, Edward said, "You have me now."

"I have you now."

I was put into Edward's lap and he hugged me tight. He said quietly, as the stage lights went on and the sky darkened. "Let's try this play again with a fresh outlook. I'll show you a story of love and a story of magic."

As fairies started frolicking around us, I could see the love and I could see the magic. They were in Edward's eyes.


End file.
